The X Factor Blog: Anyone Seen Nicole?

It’s an X Factor double bill weekend so that’s more guest judges, more guitars and more wannabes. Also, while I think about it, has anyone seen Nicole Scherzinger? She’s the fourth X Factor judge, ex-Pussycat Doll? She was around a bit at the start of the series but seems to have disappeared? No worries, I’m sure she’ll turn up. One way or the other. 

Was she ever seriously considered for the 4th judge?

So, Geri Halliwell turned up this week and if you thought last weeks contestants were grating then get ready for Geri. One Spice Girl was more than enough, who’s bright idea was two? Yes, they were are fun band in the 90s but let’s move on that shall we? Geri is possibly the most annoyingly needy person I’ve seen on any TV talent show. When she started speaking in a Scouse accent and arguing with Gary about who sold more records, dear god the nation was losing the will to live. We only have ourselves to blame though. We bought those Spice Girl records, over a DECADE AGO. She thinks we still love her. She just tries too hard to please everybody, thank goodness she wasn’t the rumoured 4th official judge. Honestly, Sinitta would have been a better choice. Think about that for a moment. SINITTA. 

To the contestants. And we had Jason from Vietnam who kept saying “Tulisha”. My, my the judges couldn’t get over that, it was getting quite uncomfortable when they kept shouting at him “TULISSSSSSSA!” It’s a stupid name anyway and the guy has an accent. He was better than they thought at least. 

Let’s talk about MK1. The N-Dubz wanna-band (why, why WHY model yourself on such a heinous group?) had the age old X Factor decision of dumping the runt of the litter; a complete dork who I’m convinced had an elaborate plan all along. He knew he was shit, but was waiting for the moment to say “I’ll go but I want 33% of your future earning.” Good luck with that one mate. Is that a binding contract? 

Then there’s some idiot who calls himself Eddy String. “The new Frankie Cocozza” people were claiming. He looks like a walking STD, and yet another gobshite. My goodness the producers are scraping the barrel this year.

The least offensive picture I could find.

And while we are talking about scrapping the barrel what about Lorna Bliss. That lap dance was horrendous to watch. If I was working backstage on the X Factor I’d have to think about my life choices as I pushed her towards the stage. The Britney Spears look-a-like who has been on so many TV show; Snog, Marry, Avoid, Dating In The Dark and most worryingly Britain’s Got Talent, among others. Why is BGT most worrying? Because it means the ITV producers knew EXACTLY what they were getting with her. They knew she was crap but gave a bit of shock value to, let’s be honest, a slightly underwhelming series so far. It screams out that they have no new ideas left and that there is nowhere else for this show to go. The judges aren’t helping either, they are just too bland. They all have good and bad points but none of them make this show must watch television any more. And that’s the problem. I can’t stand Bruce Forsyth (how OLD IS THAT MAN?) and the smuggest women on TV Tess Daly but I have a feeling Strictly Come Dancing might make better TV this year. If they got some better hosts I would turn over in an instant. The dancers may not wear much more than a Britney Spears look-a-like body stocking but they look classier. 

One final thought; let’s take a moment to think about the state of Louis Walsh’s hair. What the hell is going on there?