The X Factor Blog: The Peter Andre Principle

Let’s get this out of the way first; I HATE when they do the “let’s listen into their conversations” bit. It’s a horribly, cheap TOWIE-esq way of seeing what people think. And it wastes far too much of the episodes on them. This series seems to have had the fewest auditions ever. Maybe because there just isn’t that much talent that want to audition? 

There is some kind of crazy in those eyes...

Speaking of "talent", the first auditionee is a lady called Nicola. And my god she’s annoying, every episode has started with someone who has about a quarter of the running time to themselves but isn’t actually very good. She just won’t shut up. Even the judges are getting tired of her and when you are annoying Mel B you know you're doing something right/ wrong. She dances like Jane McDonald would do to dub-step. It was terribly 90s, but she went through. Aye carumba. THIS is the best of the best?

Then we had a quick montage of “yes” contestants (because who wants to see the good contestants am I right??) before we head back to crazy town. An embarrassing mum who has dragged her kids along to really show them up seems genuinely surprised when they say no. She can’t pick up the sarcasm in Gary’s voice. Are people that delusional?? Or maybe she just really hates her kids. 

Scotland's best. Also a part time fairy. 

Then we come to possibly my favourite sob story ever. We had the Ultimate Sob Story last week so I think the writers took a week off here. We have a father, who loves his kid (a bit like Peter Andre, but probably no way near as much). That’s it. That’s the best they can come up with. We’re only in week 3! Oh wait, he’s a SINGLE father (“JUST like Peter Andre! And EVERYONE LOVES him don’t they??” Says an ITV executive). It won’t be long before the ex sells her story in New magazine or the Sunday Mirror, I guarantee. I am calling this strategy The Peter Andre Principle. Just tell people you love your kids and you'll win them over. 

Guest judges-wise we had Anastacia and Mel B. Anastacia was okay, funny in places and seemed nice. Not the strongest judge we've ever seen but not the worst. Mel B was back and by the look of it they had used all the harsh put downs in week one. 

The roadshow then heads into Scotland, where (and I’m only being honest like Tulisa) it’s always shit. Some truly worryingly mental people, mostly unemployed women I have to say. Even the token good contestant thought she was a fairy. My favourite exchange was between Dermot and a women who just got the “No, no, no, no" treatment, Dermot asked what would she do now. The women replied “Get drunk.” And Dermot finished with “Again. Great.”  

Welcome to Scotland.