The Only Way Is Marbs... Like TOWIE But On A Beach

So after missing a trick a few years back and not taking the cameras with them to classy Marbella, ITV2 have decided to make a special out of it this time. And let's be honest, it wasn't as exciting as it could have been.

Georgina didn't go Marbs. Oh that's right, no one gives a shit. 

SOME OBSERVATIONS.

• We start off with the gang on EasyJet, the hallmark of quality. My goodness I would not have been happy sitting next to them lot. Gobshites.

• Billi decided to call their house in Marbs the Pussy Palace. What the hell is this, The Inbetweeners Movie? 

• The whole show is building up to a Champagne Spray Party. Sounds horrendous. 

• People who say "I'm single" even though they ARE dating someone really winds me up. I'm looking at you, Lauren P. 

• Mario proposed to Lucy but we knew this was happening as it's been all over the papers. DULL.

• Lauren G was at boot camp. So what? You've put on a bit of weight, you lose a bit of weight. GET OVER IT. 

• Arg and Gemma make me sick. Both are vile. When Gemma said "You ain't getting this candy" not only did I want to throw my remote at the TV but Arg was right; she was embarrassing herself. Because Arg couldn't give two shits about anyone but himself, so what was she planning on achieving? Maybe Gem, just maybe you shouldn't have thrown yourself on him, kissing him and getting into his bed because he's pathetic and immature. Rami should tell you to pack your bags because you've been incredibly disrespectful to him. I hope no self respecting women would go near Arg even if he was the last "man" (and I use that term in the loosest possible sense) on earth. 

• Diags: Makes me want to puke.

IN CONCLUSION.

It was a let down. And I think I hate all the "new couples"; Joey and Sam, Ricky and Jess, Lauren P and Tom. Not one of them look like they even remotely care for one another, unless it means they are on the camera more. Sam, in particular seems very cold. She has said some very odd things about her and Joey in the past; like the producers put them together (that's what they do) and they wouldn't have dated without the cameras. Even in her autobiography (crazy I know. She may look mid 40s but apparently she's in her early 20s... I'd check the birth certificate first) she said it wasn't amazing with Joey. Why would he want to get back with her? 

I like a good argument and some drama but nothing really happened in Marbs. The script writers need to tell them lot to get more interesting lives. I'm not sure why I watch TOWIE sometimes. I don't think there is anyone I do like... 

The Geordie Shore lot were right about this TOWIE special... it was crap.

Review of National Theatre Live's Frankenstein with Benedict Cumberbatch as the Creature

The National Theatre have been putting on encore screenings of Frankenstein, Danny Boyle's take on the Mary Shelly classic. I watched the version with Benedict Cumberbatch as the Creature and Jonny Lee Miller as Victor Frankenstein.

Mark Wright's Hollywood Nights... It's Not That Bad Is It?

Well, actually it is. I was going to catch up with all the episodes that have been aired. I lasted 20 minutes. Yet there is so much to discuss. I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with ITV2 but with Mark Wright's Hollywood Nights they are really pushing me. Here's the trailer, just in case you don't know what I'm talking about. 

Personally I hate that Tommy guy the most. Why don't you get off you're fat arse, get a job then you don't have to have Mark pay for everything for you like some weird hanger-on? Sorry I digress, he just really annoys me.

So the premise is basically Mark Wright wants a 5* holiday with his mates (well, the ones he's contractually obliged to bring. No room for his TOWIE teammate Arg, in more ways than one) and we have to watch it.

Even though it's real (as real as these constructed reality shows can be), Mark tells us that SOME of the show is set up purely for our entertainment. Hey mate, DON'T BLAME US. It really would have been a lot more entertaining if they had actually gone there for work (like they claim in the trailer) instead of fawning over Mark Wright like he's some kind of icon. HE IS NOT.

And what about the rest of his entourage/hangers on? Well, they are horrible. They've got nothing about them, no personality. These women in America would never look twice at this bunch of dullards. One part I did see was this stunning actress (aren't they all?) take Tommy and Nick to a health food store. Tommy, who obviously has never seen a salad in his life, was trying to impress this lady who was so far out of his league she was playing a different sport. He was claiming he loved all this health food while his mate was saying he hated it. He then went on about how much he liked her. Because that's how to catch a woman's heart; lie to her. You'll never get caught out, especially with those cameras following you! Moron. To be honest if she didn't click on that he is a salad dodger then she can't have too much going on with her self.

Urgh, I don't think so. 

I hate it. The 3 guys who aren't Mark or Tommy just mould into one and I can never tell who's who because they are all so boring. Also, what is the show actually about? Why are there pranks? Is this supposed to be some kind of Punk'd or was it just an after thought? I don't understand that at all.

Rather unsurprisingly, his ex-TOWIE mates have all said they loved it and even Mark's come out to say TOWIE got panned after it's first episode. Yeah it did but I think people don't want to watch rich, thick guys who think they are god's gift to women swan about on a free holiday.

It's as good as looking at other people's holiday snaps. NEWS FLASH: no one gives a shit.

Jurassic Park 4 Update And The Greatest Comment Ever Written On The Internet

Jurassic Park 4 rumours have surfaced once again with the news that Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver, the script writers from Rise of the Planet of the Apes, are going to tackle some JP dinosaurs. Oooh, will it be set on Isla Nublar or Isla Sorna or maybe the MAIN LAND?? Who knows? 


To be honest, I can't let myself get too excited over this. The idea has been hanging around since JP3 was released so it's more of a case, "I'll believe it when I see it."


I'm putting it alongside Ghostbusters 3, the Alan Partridge movie and the Justice League of America. Not until I'm sat down with a bucket load of coca-cola will I believe these will ever exist. Prove me wrong!


But while reading about this on /Film I came across the most perfect comment ever.

Whoever you are industrai, I salute you. 

Okay, Just ONE More "Tom Hiddleston Does Impressions" Video

These impressions are fantastic. The Owen Wilson one is uncanny...

I'll write a proper post tomorrow and not mess about on YouTube. Promise.*

*Not a guarantee. 

Twilight's Baby Vampire Renesmee Makes An Appearance

We get a first look at Renesmee today, Bella and Edward's half vampire child from Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2. Well, I say get a look but she's hiding behind them.

Peek a Boo!

Anyone who's read the books has an opinion on the events in Breaking Dawn. I don't want to spoil it for those who don't know what happens but needless to say most of it's ridiculous/batshit crazy.  

Oh and where did they get the name Resnesmee from you say? Well, it's a mix between Esme (Edward's mum) and Renee (Bella's mum). I know, it's horrible. 

I have to admit, I quite enjoyed Breaking Dawn Part 1. Probably because my expectations were zero.  But I'm under no illusion this one might just be TOO weird. It's the imprinting from Jacob onto Resnesmee that I find slightly uncomfortable. 

Who knows, it might be a great ending to what is, at best, an average film franchise. Since Robert Pattinson wants to be serious actor now and is doing his damn hardest to turn his back of the role that made him famous, I can't imagine he's too fussed about the ending. He's already said he's got nothing more to give to the role so the sooner it's all over, the better. 

Breaking Dawn Part 2 is out November 16th. 

TOM HIDDLESTON TALKS ABOUT HOW AMAZING JURASSIC PARK IS!!

If my friends were asked to say one fact about me I think 99% of them would say "She likes Jurassic Park."

 

At the moment I also like Tom Hiddleston.


So imagine my excitement when I stumbled upon this video. It's just too great for mortal words.

"Stick Richard Attenborough in it, pretend it's his park and you'll believe anything."

Anyone who loves JP is alright by me. Anyone who does a raptor impression? Well, colour me IMPRESSED.


While we're fangirling...

Not sure what's going on here but I approve. 

RDJ + Tom Hiddleston = ZOMG!

I'll write something about Mark Wright's Hollywood Nights if that's what you really want, alright??

Why Robert Downey Jr. Is Awesome #6

Marvel released a new photo on the set of Iron Man 3 last week. Now that the excitement of The Avengers has calmed a bit, this gives me something Marvel to look forward to.

NOT THE FACE.

Why the hell would you cover his face though??? Lovin' the suits behind him too.

Iron Man 3 is due out May 2013, so we've got a little wait ahead of us. But hopefully Gwyneth Paltrow will keep tweeting us pictures like the one below.

High hair. 

Wish I could get my ponytail looking that good. 

Victoria's Out, Becky's In: Big Brother's First Eviction

So, somehow Lydia survived to tell us more about her famous partner at the expense of Victoria. Ah well.

And THIS is who the Great British public (well, the ones who watch Big Brother) voted in.

Welcome Becky.

DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY INTO HER EYES. 

Something tells me people are going to LOVE her. 

Who's on Team Becky?? 

"I'M GONNA WRECK IT!" Wreck-It Ralph Trailer

Let me start by saying, I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS MOVIE. If you haven't seen this trailer, drop EVERYTHING and press play NOW.

WHERE DO I START?

The 8-bit awesome-ness? The Pac Man ghosts? Dr Robotnik?? (I'm not calling him "Eggman") M. Bison??? BOWSER???!!!

BOWSER FROM SUPER MARIO BROS!! HE IS IN THIS MOVIE and he looks fantastic!!

This better be as good as it's promising.

I miss the days of 8-bit gaming.

As Wreck-It Ralph says, "When did video games become so violent and scary?" I don't know, Ralph. I just don't know.

Wreck-It Ralph is due out in cinemas in November this year. 

Twitter Is Just Like When You Talk About Someone In A Bathroom And That Person Is In A Toilet Cubicle

Every body's been there. You say something about someone then they overhear you. While I was mouthing off about ITV2's new reality show The Exclusives on Twitter I noticed a few retweets over a harmless little comment.

I can't even remember if I was being nice or not.

For all you people who don't watch The Exclusives, Stu Robberts is one of the guys on this reality show. People were commenting on his writing skills not being to the standard. I just pointed out WOULD they have put someone on who couldn't write? Surely not!

I WAS ON HIS SIDE!! 

Harry Potter and the Top 5 Best Cast Characters

Having recently finished watching the entire 8 film series on blu-ray I forgot how much I like the Harry Potter films. Now and again they may not be as good as the books, and sometimes they do feel like a novel on screen instead of a film, but overall I think they are great. I am surprised how much I have enjoyed them, even Half-Blood Prince (which I remember hating at the cinema) makes much more sense after watching them close together. So it got me thinking. We all have our favourite characters, but were the best actors hired for the right roles? Here's my Top 5 best cast characters and some honorable mentions. Massive spoilers ahead!

Big Brother 13 Launch Night- Why Bother With Surprise Twists?

Well, well, well what have we got here? 16 (SIXTEEN) housemates went into the BB house last night. All of them looked a bit weird and gobby, may we just have a decent series on our hands?

Eye, eye. 

Big Brother 13 Unveils The Diary Room Chair... Remember When You Used To Care About This?

For those of you who didn't know Big Brother is back on our screens tonight in BB 13. I'm not sure how committed I am to BB but I do normally watch the launch show. Channel 5 have said that the contestants include an ex-Playboy bunny, a porn star who was once a teacher, a guy who played football with some famous footballers, a posh girl and a saucy chef. So it's all corners of society really.

They've also revealed the diary room chair, which used to be a big thing but I'm not sure anyone cares anymore. Royal blue with gold around the edge, it's obviously in celebration of the Diamond Jubilee. The Queen will be thrilled!

You call that a throne...? 

Peronally I'd have made the chair something like this....

Now THAT'S a throne.

And I'd probably have put Sean Bean in there as well, keep those housemates in check. 

Big Brother completes your Super Diamond Jubilee 4 day weekend and kicks off at 8pm tonight on Channel 5 with some kind of pointless auditions show with the live launch on at 9pm. 

Enjoy? 

The Apprentice Final

Ricky Martin: Winner of The Apprentice.
Hang on...

Ricky Martin took the prize on Sunday night's The Apprentice after a fairly lacklustre series.

With only the interviews to go, the business plans were revealed. We had Jade who wanted to set up a call centre (everybody loves those cold calls while you're eating your tea). Nick wanted to do something with buying all the ingredients to a recipe on line in one go. First world problems right there. Tom wanted to make £25 million to buy some wine, but he didn't want to drink it. And finally Ricky Martin wanting to set up a recruitment company.

None of those ideas are really going to set the world on fire are they? I wonder how much Big Al knows about their business plans before the final. What if Maria had a great idea about purple eyeshadow?? (You can't even remember her can you? It's okay, I had to Google her name.)

At the beginning of the show, it looked like it was any body's prize to win but as the interviews went on as soon as we could see Claude falling for Ricky's charms there was only one winner. The Young Apprentice is on later in the year but I can't say I'm that taken with it. It's hard to hate 16 and 17 year olds who obviously want to work hard but don't want to just be academic. Or maybe they just want to be rich. Mmm, maybe they are easier to hate than I first thought.

This isn't the end of The Apprentice by a long shot. Let's just hope there are better tasks and better candidates next year. There is always one dull season and let's hope this was it. Or the BBC might be saying you're fired, Lord Sugar.

The Voice Final

That's it, it's all over folks. It's been good, it's been bad, we've been indifferent. The Voice UK crowned it's first ever winner on Saturday night and it was Leanne (let me just double check her name) Mitchell for Team Tom. So I was wrong.

Just in case you don't know, this is Leanne.

It was a LONG show. Everyone sang well, and to be honest Leanne probably was the best. After she beat Ruth last week maybe this wasn't as much as a surprise as it first seemed.

We had a super judge sing along mash up. I had no idea what The Script song was until the chorus kicked in. We also had the "artists" singing with their coaches, a bit like the X Factor, although they get people like Beyonce. But I think Same Difference had to sing with Jason Donovan so they aren't all great. For either of them.

The coaches were all far too gushing over everybody, especially Danny with Bo. It was kind of awkward to watch. I'm glad Vince went first, I couldn't stand him personally but Twitter seemed to love him. Then maybe you all should have voted.

But who came second or third?? Okay, sometimes the build up on the X Factor borders on the ridiculous but Holly said it so quickly it looked like she was in a hurry to pick up her Saturday night take-away. Where's the tension? Something all these live shows have been lacking. Holly's been a presenter long enough (and on a live reality TV show Dancing On Ice) to know that she should have dragged that moment out a little longer.

It's only been will.i.am who has said he would like to return next year. He's been entertaining at least, even though sometimes it took him an age to think of the words he wanted to say. Unless that word was dope. Tom Jones was, well Tom Jones. Inoffensive but bordering on a little boring. I really liked Danny in the blind auditions and the battle rounds, he wasn't bad in the live shows but I think Jessie J was the biggest problem. She just wanted to overpower everybody. Then when she couldn't get her point across she played the little girl lost routine and thought they were all picking on her. I find her a bit much; very OTT with her facial expressions, she seems like she wants to be the centre of attention all the time. She wasn't bad, I just wished she would let the others talk before jumping in. I'm just being honest, JJ.

It's nice to have a break from it now. Let's hope it comes back bigger and better next year with no V Room, more Reggie and maybe more ZING.

Oh, and Holly's outfit... She probably gave some men of a certain age a heart attack.

Lord Sugar Says "You're Fired" To The Voice Coaches

The Voice ended last night and I was totally wrong with my predictions as Leanne won for Team Tom (more on that later). But now people are looking to next year and there has already been talk that all 4 judges will be axed to make way for a fresh new line up. But who's going to get rid of them? Well, there's only one man the BBC could turn to...

LORD SUGAR!!

Video By Super Massive Raver via The Poke 

It gets a bit mental in the middle with will.i.am but you get the picture.

Hope everyone is enjoying the wonderful weather on this Jubilee weekend and don't forget to check out those boats on the Thames before The Apprentice Final tonight. 

Super Diamond Jubilee 4 Day Final Weekend!

It's a big weekend in Britain. It's the Queen's Diamond Jubilee which means most people who sit in an office all day updating their Facebook status' have a 4 day weekend. On Sunday, there's something where loads of boats go on the Thames, based on a painting I'm told, which I'm a little bit intrigued about. Then on Monday there's a concert with miserable dad figure Gary Barlow and the oldest swinger in town Cliff Richard. 

One of the Queen's kids made this. 

But ALSO reality TV fans, we have the finals of The Voice and The Apprentice! Yes, we are finally at the finish line of 2 shows which have really underwhelmed this year. 


Ah, The Voice. So much promise, so much HOPE. But everyone was disappointed when the live shows came around and we found out none of the judges could actually string a sentence together and we wanted the swinging chairs back. While not a total disaster, there is definitely room for improvement and as they've already spent £22 million on it I'm sure they will be working hard to find ways to make it better. But who to win? Vince is a bit too MCR for me and I think Tyler comes across as really cocky. I'm also not sure what Leanne is doing there so that just leaves Bo. By default I guess. 


Over on Sunday night (why do they change the final day? I've never understood that) The Apprentice comes to a grinding halt. It's just lost some of its sparkle and I have to say I really don't care who wins. I'm even struggling to remember their names without looking it up. Nick and Jade probably shouldn't be there so I wouldn't be surprised to see Nick go first followed swiftly by Jade. Which leaves Ricky and Tom. Let's go with... Tom. I don't think Lord Sugar would want to work with someone called Ricky Martin. 


So, Bo and Tom to win. Go eat some undercooked BBQ sausages, find some bunting and raise a glass of Pimms to the Queen. Happy Jubilee Queenie! 

UPDATE: And I totally forgot that Big Brother 2012 starts on Tuesday night too! Yeah, I don't care either.