The X Factor Blog: Normal Service Resumed

It was coming, we all knew it; Rylan has left the X Factor. Love him or loathe him we all ended up talking about him. I really enjoyed some of his performances, but it was the banter with Gary that I will miss. He always gave as good as he got and by all accounts, he was a really nice guy. No one had a bad word to say about him and I loved his swansong where he hugged Gary. He knew he was going. I would have rather Union J went; they are so bland and boring. As usual Louis Walsh is ruining them, as he ruins all the acts he mentors.

Rylan sure has a certain style...

So the semi finals are next week and we have a real threat of Christopher Maloney not only getting to the final but winning. Union J have been in the bottom 2 three times so they have no chance of winning. We all know exactly how this is going to happen. James third, Jahmene second, Maloney the winner. If he wins, that might just be the final nail in the coffin to this show. Not only will they need a massive rethink for next year, but they are going to have to concentrate even more on getting all those viewers back who have given up.

No one seems to know who is voting for Christopher, and he seemed really fed up last week when the judges were giving him absolutely useless feedback. They don’t even know what to say to him anymore. They slate him, people vote. They praise him, people vote. They comment on the scary lasers coming from his eyes, or the crazy dancers around him or that he was singing “For Nandos”; it just doesn’t matter, people vote. It would be funny if he did win; the only act that the judges didn’t take through and he wins. That’ll show up how bloody terrible the judges actually are. There are lots of stories in the press about him; who knows how true they are. Maybe he is getting the sympathy vote; if so then the judges need to start critiquing him properly and not compare him to cornflakes or whatever the hell Nicole was on about. Maybe if they start saying he’s the next global superstar people will get bored of voting for him.

We’ve had Simon Cowell tweeting that he wants people to vote for the people who are their favourites, but maybe that’s what they are doing. A lot of people buy Jane McDonald’s albums, who’s to say they won’t buy Maloney’s music? If they want to find a relevant artist they need to do some drastic changes next year, and stop treating the general public like idiots.

Farewell Rylan for now. I will be very disappointed if you don’t make at least a guest appearance on TOWIE soon.

The X Factor Blog: Everyone Loves The Drama Apart From Tulisa Who Blames Us

So in Guilty Pleasures week Ella, one of the favourites, leaves. The UK has a collective fit, people scream fix and Twitter has a meltdown. In one of the biggest shocks in X Factor history two of the favourites were in the sing-off. James and Ella had the judges practically salivating with every performance. James has started to grow on me slightly while Ella seemed a bit too media savvy for a 16 year old, she had Sylvia Young all about her. I can’t argue with her voice; it is truly amazing but I found her a little dull. She’s a nice girl who has a bit of Leona Lewis and Stacey Solomon about her. It’s probably for the best she didn’t win, she can concentrate on being a teenage instead of the Syco machine chewing her up and spitting her out. The same goes for James, if he wins he will go the Matt Cardle route and no one wants that. Jahmene might benefit from being the winner, mostly for the confidence rather than the contract. They would know how to market him and he has a certain audience already. Union J haven’t got a chance of winning but Simon would probably want them to win the most; easily marketable all they need to do is follow the One Direction mould.

The most unsurprising Dead Lock of all time.

We all know Rylan and Union J are the next ones out, it just depends on the order. X Factor always has one shock that people are outraged about and Facebook groups set up (yeah, that’ll really get Cowell thinking won’t it, a FACEBOOK GROUP) but the X Factor goes on and people forget.

What has annoyed me this year is the way the judges are acting. Apart from Nicole, who is scha-mazing, the other judges look either fed up, disillusioned or just plainly don’t want to be there. Gary has been lost to the cause since week one, the moment Rylan stayed at the expense of his own act. Tulisa is more interested in chasing semi famous guys than mentoring her acts and Louis just sits on the end of the panel stirring it up. When Tulisa was throwing her toys out of the pram saying the public were voting for the wrong people she must have forgot where she was. If we, the public, want to vote for Rylan or Christopher, we will. The more the judges try to tell us to vote for someone, we will do the opposite. Especially with judges like Tulisa who people seem to have quite a strong opinion on. Personally I’m not a fan, she always goes on about being honest but she hasn’t actually got anything to say. She thinks she is urban, but she’s just really a plain Jane. I can’t get over how boring she’s become. She’s constantly in the papers for the wrong reasons; jumping from guy to guy or a horrible sex tape. Now she’s ended up with some average footballer with a pregnant ex- girlfriend who also likes texting call girls who slept with Wayne Rooney. Love, you can do better. It’s going to be her last year on the X Factor anyway; she is possibly one of the worst judges they’ve had. Yes she won last year but maybe, just maybe the X Factor should be less about the judges and more about the talent on stage.

The X Factor Blog: Rylan Spices Up The X Factor

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I hate mash-ups. But a Spice Girl medley?? I’ll take it! Before we get to Rylan and his best performance so far, we had the judges trying to stick up for their acts. Gary was digging into Dermot because he was supposedly doing Christopher down week after week. To be fair Gaz, Dermot wasn’t the one booing last week, that’s the audience mate. Christopher opens the show with some kind of ten pin bowling inspired theme to Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing.” Maybe it was a slight dig at the judges but it wasn’t as funny as “All By Myself.”

As usual, Nicole is head and shoulders above the other judges

Jahmene was fantastic with his performance of Robbie Williams’ “Angels”. I really think we are looking at this year’s winner. Ella is nice and has a truly amazing voice but doesn’t have much else about her. James is not my cup of tea, there is only so many times you can pull at your shirt just to show us how much it “means” to you. Boring. I’ve also decided that “stripped back” is the new “mash-up”. Let’s nip it in the bud, shall we? Stripped back is another word for dull or not as exciting as the original.

We also had a time filling, pre-recorded performance from One Direction that contained the gruesome five some sitting on stools that sent under 14 year old girls into hysterics. Probably, I don’t know. But I do know that Cowell is laughing all the way to the bank with those boys, as bland as they are. The best singer and lad who seems the nicest is the one no one talks about, I don’t even know his name but when they formed it looked like he was going to be the lead singer. Liam? Yes Liam. The others are far, FAR too smug to actually be very likeable. Teenage girls hey? They’ll buy into any old shit (trust me, I know).

Anyway, to Rylan. Now that’s entertainment. The first performance I’ve really loved from Rylan, however that might be due to the fact it was the Spice Girls. Who hasn’t got a soft spot for the Spice Girls? But it had a sky dive and some dances so everyone was happy. District3 Vs Union J were in the sing off and poor Louis couldn’t decide between his boy bands, which basically sealed District3’s fate. No one cared.

Best of British? A theme they actually kept to. Well done judges. Well done everyone.

The X Factor Blog: Apparently It's Number Ones Week

The theme this week was Number Ones, but really it was sing whatever song you want I'm sure it was number one in Bosnia and Herzegovina once. Honestly it was a bit tedious. Lucy Spraggen was too ill to perform this week, down will the flu the producers tell us. Can’t say I’m bothered, she is starting to bore me with her strange ways of “singing” and that god damn guitar.
 

Kye Sones; nobody's favourite chimney sweep.

But enough of what we didn’t have this week, let’s get on to what we did have. There was Nicole who went to Essex with Rylan and they just happened to go to Amy Childs salon (I was wondering what she was up to. ITV1 is definitely a step up on Peter Andre: It’s My Sad Little Life and You Will Watch It and Love Me on ITV2). Nicole is not bad at accents, I’ll give her that. On her adventures, Nicole also went to Asda with Jahmene and dressed up in the lovely green uniform. Something tells me she never would have ended up working in Asda if the Pussycat Dolls hadn’t formed.

I can barely remember any of the performances as they were mostly terrible and they only about three UK number ones between them. Apparently if it a number one hit in New Zealand, that’s okay. Kye was terrible, Rylan was rubbish and District3 are useless. Of course Christopher Maloney was as bad as any of them but he is like human Teflon, nothing sticks to him. Say is quietly, but he might win. Seriously. It will be a total “up yours” to Simon and the producers who keep trying to convince us this is the best ever line up of talent and that Tulisa is a good judge. It’s not and she’s an awful judge of anything.

Fearne Cotton’s best mate Kye left (I knew there was a reason I hated him) so it’s just a matter of time District3 before you’re leaving. Next week it’s the best of British so expect songs from Justin Bieber, Rhianna and maybe some Katy Perry. Honestly, why even have themes if you’re not even going to try a tiny bit.

The X Factor Results Live Blog Week 4

Week 5 and yet another live blog for the X Factor results show. Who will leave and will there be another DEADLOCK? (Probably.)

They are all the same height... I've never noticed that before.

Strictly Come Dancing: Upping The Production Values For Halloween.

Saturday night TV is always the biggest night of the week and Strictly Come Dancing Vs the X Factor has been going on for years. X Factor has had a lead over its BBC rival for a little while but the tide seems to be turning. SCD has been quietly sneaking up on its more teen friendly foe but this series it’s done one better and actually over taken it. And kept the lead. 

Personally, I’ve never been much of a fan of SCD. I did enjoy the first series but I always kept with X Factor as I thought that was more enjoyable. Loud, full of pop culture references, OTT drama and some truly stupid characters I was always going to choose X Factor over SCD. It was the new Pop Idol and Popstars, and I loved those shows. 

SCD does Thriller... Not the most original but does it matter when it's done this good?

However, I watched SCD with it being a Halloween special and I have to say I was impressed. They really got involved in the theme (which X Factor DID NOT). The costumes, the make up, the song choices, the staging; it was all brilliant. Okay, so I’m not really fussed with the celebrities; I think this show could work with just the general public again. Fern Britton, the cricketer or the soap stars don’t really do it for me. The Olympians are a nice touch but Victoria Pendleton is a bit weepy, I can’t be doing with too much of that. Lisa Riley is a revelation and I’m so glad she is a good dancer and has not turned into a joke act. 

Let’s be clear though. SCD is not perfect. Far from it. There are some truly cringe worthy performances in the “comedy” VTs that the insist on doing. I hate them so much; it made the staged conversations on the X Factor look natural. So they could go. I have no problem seeing how they’ve got on through the week with training, but you lot aren’t comedians so don’t try and be funny. 

There is one other problem for me with SCD and that’s Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly. I have never seen a more awful presenting duo. Even Des and Mel were better than these two (well, maybe not). Is Bruce messing up the jokes, the joke? If so it’s really uncomfortable. I know he’s nearly 90 but really I think it’s time for some new blood. I just have this horrible vision of him falling over when he’s dancing. Bring in Anton, we all know that's where it's heading. And Tess seems like the most insincere person ever; I would not be able to watch if rumors were true and her husband Vernon Kay got the job. They are the smuggest couple on TV and I couldn’t handle it. Claudia Winkleman would be a better presenter. 

I just can't stand them, alright???

The only thing that I really could have done without is the god awful Gangnam Style dance Bruce and Tess did. I’ve talked about my hatred for this and thought SCD would not have gone there but gone there they did. 

SCD is not everyone’s cup of tea but then neither is the X Factor. I’ll watch this again, but hopefully they’ll easy up on the “hilarious” VTs. They are fucking awful. How can the BBC be so crap at comedy, then so amazing? It’s a mystery (machine).