The X Factor Blog: The Final Countdown

After endless hours of tiresome cliches, dull contestants and Louis Walsh's ever changing hair we have finally made it to the end. In what was of the longest weekends of our lives, (2 hours on Saturday night AND 2 hours on Sunday? Ridiculous) we had our winner crowned.  James Arthur, that of the awful glasses, shirt pulling and the "I realllllllllllly mean these lyrics, man" beats little ol' Chicken Jahmene and everybody's favourite 80s crooner Christopher Maloney. Who topped the vote for the first 7 WEEKS. Impressive.

The musical guests were a real let down as most of them had been on the show already this series. I can't have Rhianna, One Direction or Emili Sande shoved down my throat any more. The show was over bloated, contained little singing from the finalists and was a bit of a damp squib in the end.

Let go Kye!

Personally, I was rooting for Jahmene but I was not bothered at all by who won. Lacklustre is the best way I can describe this series. It just seemed like a massive disappointment, partly due to the average acts, but the blame mostly falls on the judges who are now convinced that they are the real stars of the show.

Nicole has been nothing short of fantastic this year; what a revelation and thank goodness she was there because without her the live shows might have crumbled. Gary, while a very credible recording artist you can't help feeling the first live results show put the nail in the coffin for his X Factor career. Tulisa was getting worse and worse press as the series went on; and she wasn't totally blameless.  She was looking defeated before Ella went and afterwards she obviously didn't care. And Louis Walsh. Even he has clocked on how bloody ridiculous he is, now in on the joke he is pointless.

It's a show that I will tune in again for when the new series rolls around. There was a time when I claimed I'd not watch it anymore or at least not as much but I get sucked in every time. EVERY TIME. The problem is though it's not must see TV anymore; and until it finds that missing piece that makes the X Factor fun again, people will continue to turn off. I'm not sure if Simon's return would have the effect they are after; saying that though people tuned in for Britain's Got Talent to see his return (personally, I thought it was a weak series but I'm not sure anything will ever top Diversity v Su-Bo).

There's loads of time to talk about how to make X Factor better but for now I'm just looking forward to a small break from it. James Arthur, good luck. The male winners of X Factor haven't been bad but they've definitely been unlucky. See if you can break the curse.

Now on to The Voice which is back for a new series. Good?

The X Factor Blog: Of Course Union J Went

There’s light at the end of the tunnel, we are nearly at the end of what feels like the longest X Factor ever. There will be a post mortem, no doubt, but for now let’s see how obvious this semi final actually was. In fact it was pointless. There was never any doubt Union J were leaving. With no judges vote to save them, Maloney seemingly untouchable and people probably now voting for James after his fall into the bottom 2 Union J must have had their bags packed. No matter how many times the judges kept banging on about how they were the “next big boy band” (shut up, Louis) the general public just didn’t want to vote for them.

The “theme” this week was basically just sing a song with words. Some rubbish about sing a song for yourself and one for the win. I don’t know, the producers have really given up with the themes this year. One of the shows biggest disappointments is the lack of thought gone into the weekly themes. Bring back Big Band week. There’s not even much to say about this week, it was dull and very predictable. While not Tulisa’s biggest fan she looked so nervous performing. She just doesn’t have the same presence like Cheryl Cole, nor much of a solo career by all accounts.

Let’s just get to the end quickly and quietly shall we? Reserve your energy because it’s a 2 hour extravaganza on Saturday night where one contestant goes and the winner is crowned on Sunday following another 2 hour, err, “extravaganza”. Guests include the little known Rhianna, the unheard of Emeli Sande and a new little band called One Direction.

All have which performed on the X Factor this year. What a massive anti climax. Must try harder X Factor.

What is I’m A Celebrity Without Ant and Dec?

It’s been a really enjoyable series this year, we’ve had the one contestant that the public want to torture (Helen), a politician who claims they are on there to talk about serious issues (Nadine), a bit of a bossy boots (Rosemary), an 80s singer (Limuli), someone who had to quit (Brian), a token blonde (Ashley) and a man who calls it as it is (Eric). There’s always filler; not their fault but their screen time is probably at the expense of other more mouthy characters. See Linda; who seemed quite nice but the others were a bit more in your face. We’ve also got Charlie who looked like she was going to turn into her on screen character Janine, but turned into the eventual queen and quite a nice girl. Janine would have eaten Rosie Webster for breakfast; don’t stand too close to any cliffs Helen.

Let’s be honest though, we all know who the stars of the show are: Ant and Dec. They have outshone themselves this year. Personal highlights include Dec and his “Evening Prime Minister”, Ant with his Eric Bristow impression but my favourite was Dec giving Ant a birthday card. Not just any card, a musical card with Kajgoogoo’s Too Shy playing in it, which they accompanied with a little dance. Red or Black is all forgotten guys.

Nobody watches this show for the celebrities, and this show just wouldn’t work without Ant and Dec. While it might not quite be a vintage year, it is up there. Helen going from zero to hero, Rosemary annoying them all and Kiosk Keith in the jungle are some personal highlights. I love Kiosk Keith, more of him please.

It’s a show which I can only put down its popularity to its hosts and the mix of celebrities. While you might not have heard of some of them, the most important thing is that they don’t get on. Throw in the fact they are basically starving and certain people not pulling their weight and people’s masks soon start to slip. It’s quietly turned into my favourite reality show; one that doesn’t outstay its welcome and while it does have new and more horrible tasks each year, it has basically stayed the same. Take note X Factor, you don’t need to keep messing with a winning format.

Bring it on next year. Don’t ever change boys.

The X Factor Blog: Normal Service Resumed

It was coming, we all knew it; Rylan has left the X Factor. Love him or loathe him we all ended up talking about him. I really enjoyed some of his performances, but it was the banter with Gary that I will miss. He always gave as good as he got and by all accounts, he was a really nice guy. No one had a bad word to say about him and I loved his swansong where he hugged Gary. He knew he was going. I would have rather Union J went; they are so bland and boring. As usual Louis Walsh is ruining them, as he ruins all the acts he mentors.

Rylan sure has a certain style...

So the semi finals are next week and we have a real threat of Christopher Maloney not only getting to the final but winning. Union J have been in the bottom 2 three times so they have no chance of winning. We all know exactly how this is going to happen. James third, Jahmene second, Maloney the winner. If he wins, that might just be the final nail in the coffin to this show. Not only will they need a massive rethink for next year, but they are going to have to concentrate even more on getting all those viewers back who have given up.

No one seems to know who is voting for Christopher, and he seemed really fed up last week when the judges were giving him absolutely useless feedback. They don’t even know what to say to him anymore. They slate him, people vote. They praise him, people vote. They comment on the scary lasers coming from his eyes, or the crazy dancers around him or that he was singing “For Nandos”; it just doesn’t matter, people vote. It would be funny if he did win; the only act that the judges didn’t take through and he wins. That’ll show up how bloody terrible the judges actually are. There are lots of stories in the press about him; who knows how true they are. Maybe he is getting the sympathy vote; if so then the judges need to start critiquing him properly and not compare him to cornflakes or whatever the hell Nicole was on about. Maybe if they start saying he’s the next global superstar people will get bored of voting for him.

We’ve had Simon Cowell tweeting that he wants people to vote for the people who are their favourites, but maybe that’s what they are doing. A lot of people buy Jane McDonald’s albums, who’s to say they won’t buy Maloney’s music? If they want to find a relevant artist they need to do some drastic changes next year, and stop treating the general public like idiots.

Farewell Rylan for now. I will be very disappointed if you don’t make at least a guest appearance on TOWIE soon.

The X Factor Blog: Everyone Loves The Drama Apart From Tulisa Who Blames Us

So in Guilty Pleasures week Ella, one of the favourites, leaves. The UK has a collective fit, people scream fix and Twitter has a meltdown. In one of the biggest shocks in X Factor history two of the favourites were in the sing-off. James and Ella had the judges practically salivating with every performance. James has started to grow on me slightly while Ella seemed a bit too media savvy for a 16 year old, she had Sylvia Young all about her. I can’t argue with her voice; it is truly amazing but I found her a little dull. She’s a nice girl who has a bit of Leona Lewis and Stacey Solomon about her. It’s probably for the best she didn’t win, she can concentrate on being a teenage instead of the Syco machine chewing her up and spitting her out. The same goes for James, if he wins he will go the Matt Cardle route and no one wants that. Jahmene might benefit from being the winner, mostly for the confidence rather than the contract. They would know how to market him and he has a certain audience already. Union J haven’t got a chance of winning but Simon would probably want them to win the most; easily marketable all they need to do is follow the One Direction mould.

The most unsurprising Dead Lock of all time.

We all know Rylan and Union J are the next ones out, it just depends on the order. X Factor always has one shock that people are outraged about and Facebook groups set up (yeah, that’ll really get Cowell thinking won’t it, a FACEBOOK GROUP) but the X Factor goes on and people forget.

What has annoyed me this year is the way the judges are acting. Apart from Nicole, who is scha-mazing, the other judges look either fed up, disillusioned or just plainly don’t want to be there. Gary has been lost to the cause since week one, the moment Rylan stayed at the expense of his own act. Tulisa is more interested in chasing semi famous guys than mentoring her acts and Louis just sits on the end of the panel stirring it up. When Tulisa was throwing her toys out of the pram saying the public were voting for the wrong people she must have forgot where she was. If we, the public, want to vote for Rylan or Christopher, we will. The more the judges try to tell us to vote for someone, we will do the opposite. Especially with judges like Tulisa who people seem to have quite a strong opinion on. Personally I’m not a fan, she always goes on about being honest but she hasn’t actually got anything to say. She thinks she is urban, but she’s just really a plain Jane. I can’t get over how boring she’s become. She’s constantly in the papers for the wrong reasons; jumping from guy to guy or a horrible sex tape. Now she’s ended up with some average footballer with a pregnant ex- girlfriend who also likes texting call girls who slept with Wayne Rooney. Love, you can do better. It’s going to be her last year on the X Factor anyway; she is possibly one of the worst judges they’ve had. Yes she won last year but maybe, just maybe the X Factor should be less about the judges and more about the talent on stage.

The X Factor Blog: Rylan Spices Up The X Factor

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I hate mash-ups. But a Spice Girl medley?? I’ll take it! Before we get to Rylan and his best performance so far, we had the judges trying to stick up for their acts. Gary was digging into Dermot because he was supposedly doing Christopher down week after week. To be fair Gaz, Dermot wasn’t the one booing last week, that’s the audience mate. Christopher opens the show with some kind of ten pin bowling inspired theme to Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing.” Maybe it was a slight dig at the judges but it wasn’t as funny as “All By Myself.”

As usual, Nicole is head and shoulders above the other judges

Jahmene was fantastic with his performance of Robbie Williams’ “Angels”. I really think we are looking at this year’s winner. Ella is nice and has a truly amazing voice but doesn’t have much else about her. James is not my cup of tea, there is only so many times you can pull at your shirt just to show us how much it “means” to you. Boring. I’ve also decided that “stripped back” is the new “mash-up”. Let’s nip it in the bud, shall we? Stripped back is another word for dull or not as exciting as the original.

We also had a time filling, pre-recorded performance from One Direction that contained the gruesome five some sitting on stools that sent under 14 year old girls into hysterics. Probably, I don’t know. But I do know that Cowell is laughing all the way to the bank with those boys, as bland as they are. The best singer and lad who seems the nicest is the one no one talks about, I don’t even know his name but when they formed it looked like he was going to be the lead singer. Liam? Yes Liam. The others are far, FAR too smug to actually be very likeable. Teenage girls hey? They’ll buy into any old shit (trust me, I know).

Anyway, to Rylan. Now that’s entertainment. The first performance I’ve really loved from Rylan, however that might be due to the fact it was the Spice Girls. Who hasn’t got a soft spot for the Spice Girls? But it had a sky dive and some dances so everyone was happy. District3 Vs Union J were in the sing off and poor Louis couldn’t decide between his boy bands, which basically sealed District3’s fate. No one cared.

Best of British? A theme they actually kept to. Well done judges. Well done everyone.

The X Factor Blog: Apparently It's Number Ones Week

The theme this week was Number Ones, but really it was sing whatever song you want I'm sure it was number one in Bosnia and Herzegovina once. Honestly it was a bit tedious. Lucy Spraggen was too ill to perform this week, down will the flu the producers tell us. Can’t say I’m bothered, she is starting to bore me with her strange ways of “singing” and that god damn guitar.
 

Kye Sones; nobody's favourite chimney sweep.

But enough of what we didn’t have this week, let’s get on to what we did have. There was Nicole who went to Essex with Rylan and they just happened to go to Amy Childs salon (I was wondering what she was up to. ITV1 is definitely a step up on Peter Andre: It’s My Sad Little Life and You Will Watch It and Love Me on ITV2). Nicole is not bad at accents, I’ll give her that. On her adventures, Nicole also went to Asda with Jahmene and dressed up in the lovely green uniform. Something tells me she never would have ended up working in Asda if the Pussycat Dolls hadn’t formed.

I can barely remember any of the performances as they were mostly terrible and they only about three UK number ones between them. Apparently if it a number one hit in New Zealand, that’s okay. Kye was terrible, Rylan was rubbish and District3 are useless. Of course Christopher Maloney was as bad as any of them but he is like human Teflon, nothing sticks to him. Say is quietly, but he might win. Seriously. It will be a total “up yours” to Simon and the producers who keep trying to convince us this is the best ever line up of talent and that Tulisa is a good judge. It’s not and she’s an awful judge of anything.

Fearne Cotton’s best mate Kye left (I knew there was a reason I hated him) so it’s just a matter of time District3 before you’re leaving. Next week it’s the best of British so expect songs from Justin Bieber, Rhianna and maybe some Katy Perry. Honestly, why even have themes if you’re not even going to try a tiny bit.