A Non-Returning Misfit, X Factor Global Commitments and Amanda Holden Being Kind Of A Bitch

Lots of stories floating round Celebville this week and some not too nice at all.

No more Kelly unfortunately. 

A story I had no idea was going on concluded in court this week when Lauren Socha (Kelly in Misfits) pleaded guilty to racially aggravated assault on a taxi driver. It's such a sad story; one, it's a truly horrible attack and something I would never wish on anybody and two; why would she do this when she had such a promising acting career in front of her? She was my (and many others) favourite character, so in a totally obvious move, E4 have confirmed she will not be returning to the new series. She also won a BAFTA for Best Supporting Actress last year so was clearly going places. E4 did say that her return was agreed months ago and is not connected to conviction but I find that hard to swallow. So that leaves Curtis as the only original (and possibly the dullest) character left in Misfits. But I'll wait and see, I was proved wrong when Nathan left so hopefully there's life in the show yet.

She can stop doing that as well.

In other news we've definitely got a new judge on The X Factor along with 3 returning ones. Not sure what Louis Walsh has over Simon Cowell but there he is, once again. Tulisa (her sex tape has literally done her only good) and miserable dad figure Gary Barlow is back. So that just leaves poor old Kelly Rowland out in cold. Her spokesman says it's down to her "global commitments" I say it's more to do with the the sickie she pulled last year. I've heard some excuses but I'm going to use "global commitments" next time I need to get out of a fix. It's a shame as she started off as a great judge but something happened to her on the live shows; people just ended up hating her. At least she can be rest assured that she will never be as terrible at Alexandra Burke. Again, I found Gary and Tulisa much better in the earlier stages. Tulisa especially turned out not to be so smart with her comments; Misha B and "Bully-gate" come to mind.

It's the only photo I could find...

Another story that caught my eye was Amanda Holden saying that she has watched Tulisa's sex tape. OK, why are you telling us that? Even if she was asked about it she could have politely declined to answer. And then she said it was Alesha who sent it to her. Kind of a douche thing to do; Alesha Dixon wasn't there to defend herself, so why would Amanda bring her into it? Not really fair on Tulisa either who has been pretty honest and upfront with it and I think just wants to forget it. It just makes Amanda look nasty and bitter; she always seems so jealous of other women. She wasn't very nice about Kelly Brook when she was on the Britain's Got Talent panel for about 4 days. It seems a really sly and underhanded thing to say when everyone else has moved on; it's not like her past is whiter than white. Check yourself Holden before you wreck yourself; you won't be in Cowell's favour forever.

Smiley Smiley Catchy Monkey: what might just happen at the Oscars 2012

So the Academy Awards are tonight and it looks all but certain that The Artist will sweep the board. But, how about some surprises? It's been so long since there has been a big shock. The last one I remember is probably Crash's win over Brokeback Mountain back in 2005. People say Avatar should have won but really, it shouldn't. It's not actually very good, but I know I'm in the minority in thinking it was very average in all respects.

Right, let's look at the Best Motion Picture of the Year. And let's be honest: none are outstanding. We got Scorsese, Spielberg and Allen who have all made films that are a million times better. The art house darling in The Tree of Life. The beyond sugary sap, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (who trailer has me nearly in tears, but that might be more to do with the terrible U2 song attached to it) and also The Help (one that just looks like it's trying to hard to please everyone). We've got Moneyball and The Descendants, two films which the buzz has died down considerably. Which of course, only leaves The Artist. So kind of by default that should win. Don't get me wrong, it is a good film and a lovely nod towards silent cinema but I can't help feeling the Academy want to say "aren't we, and haven't we ALWAYS been fantastic?" It'll win as it's won so much in this award season, and it's definitely the best of the lot in my opinion.

The Best Director; if The Artist wins then it's Michel Hazanavicius' statue. And again; none of the others deserve it more than him so I don't mind him winning.

Best Supporting Actor seems wrapped up by Christopher Plummer in Beginners while Supporting Actress looks set to go to one of the ladies from The Help, my money is on Octavia Spencer. I can't see any surprises there.

Best Original Screenplay will be won by Michel Hazanavicius for The Artist and Best Adapted Screenplay hopefully goes to Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (Bridet O'Connor and Peter Staughan).

Other technical categories will probably be hovered up by Hugo and War Horse, while Harry Potter fans hoping they can do a (ever so slight) LOTR Return Of The King might as well go bed early. Those films aren't really any good and definitely not good enough for Oscar. Just face it, enjoy them for what they are but they are no master pieces (I give it 5 years before their inevitable "reimagining").

But while we're on Harry Potter let's talk Best Achievement in Visual Effects. Because any of the nominated films are better than HP Part 2. I'd HOPE for Rise of the Planet of the Apes. I'd even take Real Steel. Transformers: Dark of the Moon wouldn't surprise me, neither would Hugo. But I have this horrible feeling it will be HP Part 2. It shouldn't be.

I've not seen any of the documentaries or the short films animated of live. Sorry guys. Or the Foreign Language films, so they will all be a surprise to me.

Then we've also got Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Song to give it it's full title. Why are there only 2? What the hell is the point in that?? If you are trying to get rid of it, just get rid of it. And you would probably best get rid of it if Bret "Flight of the Conchords" McKenzie gets beaten by bloody Rio. We may as well all just shut up shop if that happens.

Best Animated Film is slightly open as there's no Pixar film to take it (Cars 2 was so bad. I hate Mater more than anything I've seen in cinema this year). I'm guessing Kung Fu Panda 2 (which looked amazing, and was much better than I thought it would be) or maybe Rango.

That leaves Best Actress and Best Actor. They might as well hand the award to Meryl Streep as she is going in, just to save her the wait. As for Actor, well it looks like Jean Dujardin will win it. And that's okay; his performance was amazing, and the more I think about it the more I think he deserves it. BUT as much as I like him, (he gave a good speech at the BAFTAs) I would love Gary Oldman to win for George Smiley in Tinker Tailor Solider Spy. His performance was very understated, and I still don't believe BAFTA didn't give him the award. For him to win the Oscar would be amazing. And I bet he is wearing the sharpest suit you'll ever see.

But he won't. The Artist will win very big, the smaller awards will be shared out and you'll be wondering (yet again) why you bothered to stay up all night and watch (or click the refresh button on) the least surprising Oscars ever.

EVER.

Prince Charming, a Couple of Aussies and Silent Cinema : The BAFTAs 2012

Ah the BAFTAs. The biggest night of the year for British cinema, shown on a 2 hour delay on the BBC. Well done everybody.

Apart from that ridiculous oversight, it was a good night. We had The Artist win big, Colin Firth proving that there are real life Prince Charmings out there and Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe being genuinely funny (“Rusty”, “Jacko”).

Stephen Fry was a delight as the host. Personally I was never a fan of Jonathan Ross, he didn’t seem to fit in with the prestige of the BAFTAs where as Stephen Fry just oozes class and is an all round smart guy.

I thought Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy would maybe have won a few more; BAFTA has been known to slightly favour British films over others in recently years. I admit; I thought Gary Oldman would have walked away with the Best Actor BAFTA. Not that I mind Jean Dujardin winning; the more I think about his role in The Artist the more I think it was amazing. He’s a funny guy and I loved that he mentioned Benny Hill.

Smooth operator. 

George Clooney and Brad Pitt were there but I never felt they had a chance of winning. It’s nice to have some actual Hollywood stars there too. Especially when I kept seeing Dermot “Smug” O’Leary and Fearne “How do I keep getting these jobs?” Cotton. They really should not have been sitting with ‘The Talent’. It’s embarrassing for everybody.

Colin Firth proved to everybody what we all assumed he was; a true gent. Running after a lost high heel and then helping the (Iron) lady into said shoe, it was a lovely moment.

Why the BBC cram a handful of awards basically over the end credits, I really don’t know. And I thought they were quite big awards- Animated Film, Film Not In The English Language, Cinematography? No, the BBC don’t think so. Bit of a shame. The Oscars don’t get treated like this.
Maybe next year we can see the BAFTAs live; I really don’t think they need to worry about a group of middle-aged British actors running amok, swearing and causing havoc. They’ve watched Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy; they are probably the most well behaved group of people ever.

One last thing. Gary Oldman? Looking boss. (That’s what the kids say, right?)