The X Factor Blog: End of Auditions

It's the last of the auditions this week; they seem to have gone on forever this year, so we end on another double episode full of men fawning over Tulisa, a new tactic to get noticed and Bianca Gascoigne.

First up we have an older gentleman who seems to hate Tulisa. His “average old man audition” didn’t set Tulisa’s ears alight and he was quite forthcoming in his opinion. “It was that fucking Tulisa’s fault.” Calm down granddad!

Don't smile too much Gary.

Rita Ora was back and obsessed with finding someone who knows themselves. What the hell does that actually mean? Especially in a karaoke competition?

Some great sob stories returned this week. The Rebecca Ferguson Story “I had kids young and gave up my DREAM.” Wow, way to blame your children on your existence. There was also a new tactic to getting on stage this week, someone claimed to have gone to school with Tulisa. Now, we know that’s a lie. Tulisa never went to school. She was far too busy being “gangsta” with her cousin and getting terrible tattoos. There was another Jane McDonald-esq wannabe with an annoying Nan, the women claimed she was 33 years old, but I highly doubt that. 

One of the oddest auditions of the weekend was Bianca Gascoigne. Not sure how I feel about ‘celebrities’ (this word is used in the loosest term possible) auditioning. Some ex-contestants don’t know when to say “You know what? I’ve had a couple of goes, it’s not worked out, and it’s time to choose another career.” The judges really shouldn’t tell people they are a star, and this is what they should be doing. Because they probably SHOULD be doing something else. How long before we have X Factor WINNERS auditioning again? Slightly surprised they didn’t let her go to the next round (they let through far worse people) if only for a bit more publicity in the papers.

Not the worse voice of the competition.

The guitars make me want to scream. This isn’t The Voice. And what about Tulisa vs. Louis? Neither are current. Tulisa is so chav-tastic and the whole “I’m really tough” attitude is so weak it’s embarrassing. And Louis “I’ve sold a billion records” or whatever, no one cares what he has to say. Tulisa moaning about fish and chips was a bit weird too, she probably should have just toughed it out.

The section that must have been entitled “Everybody Loves Tulisa” was bullshit. That many men all in love with her doesn’t seem natural. Put Nicole next to her and let’s see who they choose.  

So the auditions are all wrapped up now and Boot Camp awaits. Expect “surprise twists”, people getting kicked out and maybe a band put together of rejects. Not long till the Live Shows, let’s get on with this shall we?

 

Alex Reid Becomes "Pregnant", Saves Relationship

I about choked on my cornflakes when these pictures emerged this morning. Alex Reid, he of Ex-Mr Katie Price, singer, some kind of fighter and ex Hollyoaks star, has decided that he needs to show his heavily pregnant fiance that he loves her by shoving a jumper up his shirt and pretending to be pregnant. Personally I'd just like a cuddle or maybe a cup of tea in bed but actually thinking about it yeah, this is a much better idea.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

There are more photos if you're into that sort of thing...

So Geri Halliwell Is Going To Be A Guest Judge On The X Factor... Great.

The auditions for this year's X Factor start tomorrow and the powers that be STILL haven't found a replacement for Kelly Rowland. By the sounds of it they were trying very hard for Dannii Minogue but it looks like that has slid through their fingers so we are going to be stuck with "guest judges". I HATE guest judges. As seen on Britain's Got Talent this year, they are rubbish. They aren't used to the surroundings, there's very little chemistry between everyone and when the regular judge comes back is all we get is "Well, I didn't see you at the auditions." "I might not have put you through..." "I can't compare what you've done." THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE ON THE PANEL.

Because it worked so well the first time...

Okay, this is slightly different. Nobody's pregnant or contracted malaria. But why the hell haven't the producers got someone ready? When your number one choice falls through, go to your number two. People know when these auditions are, they haven't been sprung on them at the last minute.

So somehow they've convinced Geri Halliwell to come on board. Bet she took loads of persuading. It seems like a really dull choice to me. She was rubbish on Popstars: The Rivals and she was rubbish on The X Factor a few years back. Maybe she was available and that was that. I don't know; it just seems really lacklustre this panel. Let's be honest, last year's show wasn't amazing. Kelly was just TOO American (which made Alexandra "OKDOTCOM" Burke think the public wanted that much enthusiasm), Gary was a bit dull, Tulisa was really lame (that "feisty side" she kept promising? Kate Middleton would have been more threatening) and Louis, well. I don't know what to say about Louis anymore.

No one else has been confirmed and they've not said how long Geri is going to be on the panel. All I know is, it was bloody rubbish when this happened last time. Natalie Imbruglia, Pixie Lott, Nicole Scherzinger, and Katy Perry (now, THAT seems a life time ago) all joined the panel at some point in 2010 and it just made it a bit dull. There was never really any chemistry between them and it spoiled the audition process. 

The USA version has Britney Spears, we get Geri Halliwell?? 

Sort it out Simon. Must try harder.

A Non-Returning Misfit, X Factor Global Commitments and Amanda Holden Being Kind Of A Bitch

Lots of stories floating round Celebville this week and some not too nice at all.

No more Kelly unfortunately. 

A story I had no idea was going on concluded in court this week when Lauren Socha (Kelly in Misfits) pleaded guilty to racially aggravated assault on a taxi driver. It's such a sad story; one, it's a truly horrible attack and something I would never wish on anybody and two; why would she do this when she had such a promising acting career in front of her? She was my (and many others) favourite character, so in a totally obvious move, E4 have confirmed she will not be returning to the new series. She also won a BAFTA for Best Supporting Actress last year so was clearly going places. E4 did say that her return was agreed months ago and is not connected to conviction but I find that hard to swallow. So that leaves Curtis as the only original (and possibly the dullest) character left in Misfits. But I'll wait and see, I was proved wrong when Nathan left so hopefully there's life in the show yet.

She can stop doing that as well.

In other news we've definitely got a new judge on The X Factor along with 3 returning ones. Not sure what Louis Walsh has over Simon Cowell but there he is, once again. Tulisa (her sex tape has literally done her only good) and miserable dad figure Gary Barlow is back. So that just leaves poor old Kelly Rowland out in cold. Her spokesman says it's down to her "global commitments" I say it's more to do with the the sickie she pulled last year. I've heard some excuses but I'm going to use "global commitments" next time I need to get out of a fix. It's a shame as she started off as a great judge but something happened to her on the live shows; people just ended up hating her. At least she can be rest assured that she will never be as terrible at Alexandra Burke. Again, I found Gary and Tulisa much better in the earlier stages. Tulisa especially turned out not to be so smart with her comments; Misha B and "Bully-gate" come to mind.

It's the only photo I could find...

Another story that caught my eye was Amanda Holden saying that she has watched Tulisa's sex tape. OK, why are you telling us that? Even if she was asked about it she could have politely declined to answer. And then she said it was Alesha who sent it to her. Kind of a douche thing to do; Alesha Dixon wasn't there to defend herself, so why would Amanda bring her into it? Not really fair on Tulisa either who has been pretty honest and upfront with it and I think just wants to forget it. It just makes Amanda look nasty and bitter; she always seems so jealous of other women. She wasn't very nice about Kelly Brook when she was on the Britain's Got Talent panel for about 4 days. It seems a really sly and underhanded thing to say when everyone else has moved on; it's not like her past is whiter than white. Check yourself Holden before you wreck yourself; you won't be in Cowell's favour forever.

ITV2 Is The Reason We Can't Have Nice Things

"First of all, never bad mouth Synergy." Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock

I'm pretty sure that this is the mantra of ITV2.  I have a love/hate relationship with ITV2. Yes, I can watch TOWIE and know who's going out with who, I can even sit through Judge Judy and I don't mind catching American Idol when it's on. But what I hate, hate HATE is the way everything links. And most of it is to do with reality TV.

The titles that literally took 5 seconds to think of, Britain's Got MORE Talent (debatable), The XTRA Factor (it's on long enough), the tediously titled I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here... NOW! and Take Me Out: The Gossip (Take Me Out... AGAIN would have been better). I watch the sister shows on ITV1, I enjoy them, some of the time, but these "spin-offs" are beyond shit.

And what about the presenters? Well, we have cheeky chappy (read: extremely annoying) Olly Murs presenting The Xtra Factor after appearing on The X Factor and now he has a new reality show Olly: Life on Murs. A show I'm sure that they came up with the title first then decided let's just film his tour. Oh! And get the fans involved via Twitter!! Twitter keeps ITV2 in ideas.

I hate men in hats. 

Then we've got Take Me Out: The Gossip with TOWIE's Mark Wright. I'm not really sure why other than he has been on an ITV2 programme. I remember I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here... Now! had Matt Willis presenting it,  after he won it one year but now they've got some girl and a couple of lame comedians.

AND THEN THERE'S THE REALITY TV SHOWS. Like previously mentioned, Olly: Life On Murs and the ground breaking Peter Andre: My Life are the biggest shows on ITV2 at the moment. On Peter Andre's show we learn he loves his Ferrari, his music, his fans AND DON'T FORGET THE KIDS. Also CAN Associates client and ex girlfriend Elen Rivers might just pop in for a cup of tea. And I'm guessing you'll probably see other CAN clients Amy Childs and husband and wife team Nicola McLean & Tom Williams who Pete just happens to be BEST FRIENDS WITH.

Some books Peter Andre is trying to read.

And possibly the most heinous offender, Celebrity Juice. I'll be honest, I've seen the show and sometimes Keith Lemon is funnier than he ought to be. But why the hell are Fern Cotton and Holly Wiloughby on it? Oh, because she's on ITV1's flagship daytime TV programme! And she's dragged her best friend along. Neither are funny, in fact they are painfully unfunny and this show really doesn't sit well with Holly's cosy family life she's built up on This Morning, so much so I'm surprised ITV1 would want her doing it at all. It's rude and crude and they look like idiots; we're laughing at you not with you. And what about the guests? Well just this year we've had Christine Bleakly (Daybreak), Phillip Schofield (This Morning), Jonathan Ross (The Jonathan Ross Show), Chris Fountain (Coronation Street and Dancing on Ice), Matt Cardle (X Factor winner), Caroline Flack (The Xtra Factor) I COULD GO ON!

They've all gone to the same hairdresser. 

I'm all for a bit of synergy but not to the point when Corrie and Jeremy Kyle have a cross over. (THIS HAPPENED). It's just sometimes it's a bit too much ITV, don't be afraid to look a bit further a field for different ideas. If you rely on BGT, I'm A Celeb... and The X Factor for ideas then you'll come unstuck sooner rather than later.

Koalas Carrying Chlamydia, A Tell-All-Book And Smacking Your Face On A Car Door.

As usual in celeb land, this week has been busy. And I have to say I've heard some of my favourite stories this week too.

Why don't we start with Alex Reid? The self proclaimed "Reidinator" pulled out of the London Marathon this week. Oh that's a shame, you may think, but for me it was the way he pulled out. He twisted his ankle while he was practising for his show Wildboyz. Now, Wildboyz is another blog post entirely. If anyone saw This Morning the other day you know how bloody ridiculous it is. It "stars" Alex Reid (ex-Katie Price), Danny Young (he used to be in Corrie), Dale Howard (he was on Big Brother) and Marcus Patrick (Hollyoaks, of course) and all I know is they take their shirts off. That's as much as they had practised for This Morning anyhow. It looks absolutely shocking. But I digress. So Alex Reid is in Harley Street, having a scan on his ankle. He then goes to his car, smacks his head on the car door and breaks his teeth. So he has to go back in to the doctors and have emergency surgery. YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT UP.

There's so much I hate about this photo...

We've had loads of stories coming out (BUT NOT HIM) about Simon Cowell. The biggest revelation is that him and Dannii Minogue had a fling when they were both single on the X Factor. It's since been confirmed that it was true, but that's not stopped the rumours circling around that Simon Cowell is gay. As he said though, why wouldn't he just admit it? I have to think he's right, I don't think it would make a blind bit of difference if he came out. Some other stories include that he was memorised by Cheryl Cole, he has botox, he feels betrayed over Sharon Osbourne's rant, him and ITV are at loggerheads over everything and he buys black toilet roll. I'd buy the book but Digital Spy seemed to have covered everything of slight interest.

Who'd have thought...?

And finally a little story about One Direction. Harry Styles and Liam Payne think they might have contracted chlamydia through koala urine. YEAH, RIGHT. YOUR PARENTS WILL BELIEVE THAT! I've heard some excuses in my time but this has got to be one of the best. They may be young but they're not that stupid... Are they? They had a photo shoot with koala bears and now think they may have caught the disease. Apparently 80% of koalas are infected with chlamydia but it's highly unlikely it could be passed on to humans. Better think of another excuse boys!

1D on The X Factor... So young! And ridiculously successful. 

An Intervention, An American Psycho and Golden Case- only in The Celebrity Apprentice: USA

Ah, The Apprentice. Not just any Apprentice, the American Celebrity version. A show made up of people us Brits have no idea about. We've got a woman poker play (they must be stars in America) and a woman golf player (okay, why not?). We've got a Kardashian, a cowboy, some more sports players, a Playboy bunny and my personal favourite a model from the American version of Deal or No Deal. What the hell??

So these aren't really household names (at least over here) but there are a couple you would know. Joan Rivers, Tom Green and Dennis Rodman are probably the most recognisable faces that Donald Trump has got. Although I imagine Joan Rivers' new face isn't that recognisable from her old one; that cost her about $150,000.

The Kardashian is Khloe, she is the one married to a NBA player who she only knew a month. She also gets a lot of stick for the way she looks (there are loads of rumours around that she has a different dad to Kim and Kourtney), but on the few episodes I've seen of Keeping Up With The Kardashians she seems more human than the life-selling juggernaut that is Kim.

We also have an Olympic ice skater Scott Hamiltion. He introduces himself by saying "I want to cure cancer in my life time." Big ambition for an ice skater, but hey, it's all for a good cause.

There's also some stand up comedian that I've never heard of, maybe you know him? But if you're going to say "I'm the biggest stand up comic in history ever" probably best to start with your name; it's Andrew Dice Clay.

We've also got Sandra Bullock's ex Jesse James. He is introduced to us as a "Working Class Hero". Barely. Also there is Joan Rivers daughter who must have the same surgeon.

The Playboy bunny looks like every other Playboy bunny; long blonde hair, (probably) blue eyed, killer bikini body. She seems quite nice, unlike some of the bitchy bunnys we get on our reality TV shows- we defiantly get the budget versions.

My favourite however, is the Deal Or No Deal model. I've never seen the American version of our beloved (too strong a word?) Noel Edmunds show so don't really know why they need models. I imagine it's like 30 Rock's amazing Golden Case created by Kenneth Parcell.

There have been some interesting moments so far. We've had an intervention for Dennis Rodman when the whole boardroom turned and told him he has a drinking problem. Bloody hell, it's only a light entertainment programme, not a hard hitting documentary.

Then we have the firing of Khloe Kardashian last week (sorry spoiler) which I found a bit weird. Donald Trump fired her because the week before she wasn't there for part of the task. It turns out she was back in LA in front of a judge who wasn't happy about her being in New York because she has a DUI (Drinking Under the Influence). Apparently Donald Trump knew nothing about this but he wasn't very happy. He says he knows people who have lost loved ones to drink drivers so understandably, he just can't justify her being in the competition. I can't argue with that, but are you seriously telling me no one told him she was still on probation for this? I find that hard to believe. Seems like it was a bit of a set up, a horrible one for sure.

My absolute favourite thing about The Apprentice USA is Donald Trump's son, Donald Jr. He is original Patrick Bateman. I sure he's never killed any strippers but let's be honest, it wouldn't be surprising. I assume he modelled his look on the American Psycho.

The BBC are showing this jem at midnight 3 times a week so this series will be over quick. Catch the freak show while you can.

He's my Pointless friend...

I love quizzes. TV quizzes, pub quizzes, quiz machines, newspaper quizzes. QUIZ! Maybe that makes me an 85 year old women who waits for Countdown everyday but I don’t care. It’s like learning (sort of). I like to think I’ve got a good general knowledge. But where I think I excel is in my movie knowledge. And my favourite quiz show on TV at the moment is Pointless. Anyone who doesn’t know this show; you are missing a treat. Hosted by Alexander Armstrong and assisted by his Pointless friend Richard Osman the aim of the game is to try and get an answer no one else can think of. It used to languish on BBC 2 but the powers that be knew they had something special and moved it to BBC 1. Now in HD!

It’s amazingly entraining. Alexander and Richard are a great duo, they have an array of contestations and a broad range of questions. So, Pointless isn’t exclusively film questions but I love it when they turn up to test my knowledge. Me and my other half are always bitterly disappointed when we don't get a Pointless film answer. I always think maybe we should apply but we’d be gutted if we didn’t get any movie questions. We would be rubbish at Geography (A level be damned!). The only answers I could give are ones I remember from other Pointless shows- Congo, Central Republic of Africa, St Vincent and the Grenadines.

My favourite answer was when, from a list, you had to guess what book a character was from. The book title would also be a description of the character as an extra clue. Bilbo Baggins was the character, so what did the contestant say? “Bilbo Baggins played Frodo in Lord of the Rings.” What an answer. The subjects of trousers was also a highlight.

Also, why do people always want to see musicals are a subject? They are always rubbish at them.
The last round is when they have to choose a topic and find just one Pointless answer with 3 tries. I wish they would put all the Pointless answers online, just to test my knowledge.

The other day the final round subject was Film. How we laughed, until the question came up. Name the actors in The Great Escape; we literally had no idea, apart from the obvious. We had failed at Pointless on a film question. It’s unusual for us both to know nothing on a film. We were gutted. It’s now on our Lovefilm list.

We still love Pointless, and Pointless Celebrities is the greatest title of a TV show ever. Well done for not calling it Celebrity Pointless.

And don’t forget, by country we mean a sovereign state as recognised by the UN.

Chris Brown... You can do better, ladies.

A story that just won’t die down at the minute is the ongoing relationship of Chris Brown and Rhianna. There has been lots of gossip about these two being in contact with each other. It all started because Chris Brown won a Grammy for his album F.A.M.E the other week. You’ve only got to look on the comments section of website like Digital Spy that everyone has an opinion on him, mostly polar opposite opinions too. There are people who say he’s served his time and that people who say bad things about him should just get over it. Then there are others who think he’s gotten off too lightly, that the music scene have just forgotten it. I don’t think we should forget that it happened on the night of the Grammys in 2009, now he’s getting an award at the show. Also he’s still on probation, so he’s not served his time at all.

If it's holding a dog... Surely he CAN'T be all bad?? 

Personally (yes, I know the internet really needs another opinion on this) I can’t stand the man. What people are upset at is the fact he has never shown any remorse publicly for his actions. The police report is floating around on the internet and it makes for very scary reading. He seems like a young man who has never been told ‘no’ and nobody has advised him to say sorry. Don’t tell me a few hours community service turns you into a better man. The scenes at Good Morning America, where he broke a window when asked about Rhianna; shows him for what he is. I can’t quiet believe people are defending this type of behavior.

The stuff that makes me really sad are the alarming number of people who say Rhianna deserved it. What a sicking thought. There are also lots of people on Twitter that say, along the lines of, “I’d let Chris Brown beat me LOLZ”. What the hell is wrong with young women today? Do they not have ANY STANDARDS?? I can guarantee you are BETTER than a so-called man who beats up women. PLEASE, NEVER think you are not.

Another thing that shows Chris Brown up is his Twitter feed. He is always rubbing people up the wrong way. He’s very quick to tweet against people who say they don’t like him; his management I imagine are equally quick deleting it.

Somebody is buying his albums though, maybe the record company should have put their foot down a bit harder, a lot earlier. When Kate Moss was exposed as a drug taker, she lost a lot of deals. Next to nothing happened to Chris Brown, oh a few radio stations stopped playing his songs (for a bit) but it was like it never happened. So, drugs NO but woman beating, okay? He seems to think it was this whole other time and we should not bring it up EVER again. It was 3 years ago, hardly ancient history.
I hope Rhianna knows what she’s doing. It’s a dangerous message to give out; it’s alright girls, maybe he’ll only beat you once. Rhianna could have nearly any man in the world. Rhianna, don’t you think you’re better than Chris Brown?? Come on, surely you know you are. He should just keep his head down, do some charity work, apologise and just get used to the fact that this is what many people will remember him for. But he won’t of course. Nobody will make him, not while he’s making millions for the suits at Sony. I truly hate society sometimes.

Because maybe we should all be a little bit more like Caitlin Moran

I've always been against feminism. I know it's a stupid comment but I was. Me and my friend always used to joke about feminists "ruining it for everyone." We were quite happy to wait around for a (rich) man to take us away from our university hellhole we affectional called Azkaban. So when my bloke bought me Caitlin Moran’s book How To Be A Women part of me thought “Is he talking the mick?” Obviously the other half was quite happy as I had mentioned I wanted it so he must heave listened to something. I picked it up in Waterstone’s, I thought it looked funny and I like her hair and boots.

On closer expectation though I see on the back it was classed as ‘Humour’ (brilliant) and ‘Feminism' (oh dear). The word feminism did put me off slightly, I’ll admit. We all know what we think when someone says feminist; bad hair, crap clothes, men-hating, bra burning, spinsters. So when I got to the chapter ‘I Am A Feminist.” I wanted to read it quickly and move on. She talks about Germaine Greer (who I have to say, kind of annoys me when I see her on television) but the bit that nearly made me give up is when she says stand on a chair and shout “I AM A FEMINIST!” I wasn’t buying it.

However after finishing the chapter, and the book and I have to admit; she makes a really good point. Feminism isn’t about hating men or crap clothes; it’s about equal rights for women. Whether it be for equal pay or the right to vote; if you’re not a feminist then, really, you don’t want any of those things. Feminism means liberation for women. She wants to take back the world feminism and make it into a good thing, not an insult.

She says feminism gets blamed in part on a lot of things but it’s just that things like abortion, binge drinking, eating disorders are things that involve women. Another great point she makes is that bitching is not being anti-feminist; you won't get on with every female in the world. Some probably deserve the bitching. The world will not crumble because someone said something about so and so in the office. I think the one thing though everyone could live by is to BE POLITE. This is the only thing in the world I believe no one has any right not to be. Yes we all have bad days but you really shouldn’t take it out on everyone else. To quote her,

“What is feminism? Simply the belief that women should be as free as men, however nuts, dim, deluded, badly dressed, fat, receding, lazy and smug they might be.
Are you a feminist? Hahaha. Of course you are.”

Feminism isn’t about changing women but changing how the world treats women. It’s about treating us all equally.

It’s kind of amazing when you think about it. Nicola on Celebrity Big Brother said she was a secret feminist. Why is it a secret? As Caitlin points out, feminism will take them; the dumb, bitchy ex-page 3 model. She’s not secretive about being a Page 3 model but being a feminist?? Oh NO! I’m not admitting to THAT! You don’t have to be friends with every female on the planet. But maybe we could work together to make things ever so slightly fairly, no?

Horoscopes, Future Transgression and Other Made Up Stuff

Natalie Cassidy is everywhere at the moment isn't she? Celebrity Big Brother, Loose Women, The Wright Stuff. I'm not really sure what it is she does anymore though to be honest. But if anyone caught her on This Morning today then it seems the only thing she is worried about is a lion the size of a t-rex. Confused? Welcome to the This Morning's Supernatural Week.

Where's your trumpet? (Sorry)

Today, we had future life progression. What is that I hear you ask?

“Future Life Progression is a hypnosis session that aims to unlock the secrets of what your future lives could hold, and any lessons you can learn from who you might become in the future!”

Exclamation mark included! What absolute rubbish.

Rather annoyingly, I've been unable to watch it again. It's not on demand and they seem to have cut it out of the itv Player episode. Maybe even they thought, "Naa this is a bit shit."

I don't know why they have this stuff on the NTA winner of Best Factual Programme 2012. Holly said she is scared of the supernatural and Philip looks like he is trying to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. While they were interviewing the future life progressionist, Philip started talking about when he was transgressed and he seemed to be a little annoyed when the hypnotist told him to put some money in a sofa (goodness knows why, something to do with easing his past guilt…). I remember ITV dragging out this transgression stuff for not one but TWO series’ of a show called Have I Been Here Before? And that was presented by Schofe. It featured such celebrities as Dr Fox who turned out used to be a lute playing carpenter, Denise Welch who was a farm girl living in Devon, Barry from Eastenders as a 14th Century knight and the cheating Major from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire who was a women in a previous life. It was terrible, even by itv daytime standards.

While neither of them said it was total rubbish, they then start talking about Horoscopes. Holly believes in those, something about the moon pulling water and the how we can't live without the Sun (REALLY? THANKS FOR THAT!)

When people say they believe in Horoscopes, I always think; why? I don't mind stating that they are utter bollocks. To prove it I conducted an extremely scientific experiment. I thought I'd check a couple of mine (Aries). Today I was supposed to go and visit someone (nope, stayed in) because I haven't seen my friends in ages (I did, last weekend). Another one said I need to be daring and 'in force' (Star Wars?). Mystic Meg told me Venus settles in my sigh (what?) and I'll act as peacemaker with my healing words. Another said not to put demands on others (I thought it said I should go out and see people?) and be on my best behavior. I also found a chart with percentages of different aspects of my life. I have literally no idea what it means but apparently today I am 92% intuition, 19% money and 39% work. So I'm only going to work at 39%? I'll have 19% less money? What the hell does it mean?? I used to read my Horoscopes all the time, and twist them so they worked. But then I just got bored of them being all the same drivel.

I have just seen one the best psychics on The Only Way Is Essex; she figured out the Chloe WANTS TO GET ENGAGED!! Wow. Who would have thought a TOWIE girl would want to get married? If you are a psychic and a girl is pissing you off, what do you do? Just tell them they won’t be getting engaged this year. Like a dagger to their heart. And oi, Lucy? Some Colins are alright.

If people want to believe in all this I kinda feel sorry for them. It's the same with physics; they just prey on the vulnerable. Psychic Sally can piss right off in my opinion.

Jordan, Cheryl and Some Football (American)

It's been an interesting week in Celebville. We've had Cheryl denying she emailed Harvey, Katie Price biting back at Peter Andre and Madonna being furious with MIA over an obscene gesture. The girls are sure as hell fighting back this week.

Are these real or waxworks? I can't tell...

While I can never say I am a fan of Katie Price I have to admit she comes in for some serious flack concerning her marriage. While Peter Andre is bathed in some kind of untouchable light, Miss Price gets many a harsh headlines (and if rumors are to be believed many coming from her ex husband and agent, ALLEGEDLY). She's been called all things from a bad mother to a loose women but it seems she has had enough this week. She released a statement condemning Peter Andre's story in Heat magazine. He painted her as some kind of obsessed, bitter women who would never be over him (a rather high opinion of yourself isn't it? Backhanded of course) and who was desperate to get back with him.
Why he did this interview doesn't really make sense, he seems to be "setting the record straight" an awful lot lately. So I have to say good on her for responding and not letting his "I can't tell you why we broke up" (don't worry, it'll be in OK! magazine soon) bollocks carry on. It surprises me how many people think Andre is blameless in HIS marriage breakdown. Yeah, I'm sure he didn't want to fame or the money. HE'S JUST A NORMAL GUY WHO LOVES HIS KIDS!! As Mugatu says "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" I hope his next interview is something as bland as "Father Loves His Kids." Don't think we've heard that recently.
I really hope this might be the moment when everyone goes, "Actually, you're both as bad as each other" and people will stop watching the next bloody chapter. Price needs to let it lie now, maybe write some more books? Oh, no she doesn't have time to write books. (Author of 4 autobiographies, 7 novels and a host of children books). I don't know why they spilt up, but I'm pretty sure literally no one cares anymore.
Another weird story doing the rounds was Cheryl Cole emailing Harvey So Solid. Apparently they were dating after Cheryl spilt with another love rat Ashley. Now magazine have claimed to have a media lawyer confirm the relationship by saying they are genuine emails. How this confirms that they were together I have no idea. Cheryl seems pretty sure this isn’t true and as Nicola Roberts tweeted maybe someone’s having Harvey on. With both seeming so sure they are right, it’ll be curious to see what Cheryl does next. I think he might have been had; maybe Cheryl’s taste in men seems a bit rubbish sometimes but I cant believe she would go out with him. It’s just like the time Gareth Gates denied sleeping with Jordan.
The big story of the week has been the Superbowl. I have literally NO IDEA who played, what they won and I barley care it’s American football. But most people seem interested in the adverts and the halftime show. We had the amazing Avengers trailer (Assemble!), the rubbish Ferris Bueller advert (no more days off now) and Madonna’s performance of her new single. A source says she furious with MIA who swore and flipped the middle finger. I highly doubt this; IF she is angry it’s probably because most post-performance stories are about MIA. I remember her swearing at Live 8 so this “OMG she swore” doesn’t wash with me.
I’m sure there will be more Price v Andre stories next week, and I don’t think the Cheryl emails will die down until we see them. Girl Power indeed.

Think they'll have that on the tour...

Just an introductory post to my blog so you know what it's about!

We're ready to believe you!

I'm a film watcher, DVD enthusiast, celebrity magazine reader, TV fanatic, book reader, RDJ fan, Jurassic Park addict, Nintendo devotee, reality TV follower, a professional Mario Kart driver, part time Ghostbuster and all round SingStar.

There are lots of TV shows I'm enjoying at the moment. Namely The X Factor, Misfits, I'm A Celeb, to name but a few. Also loved the last series of Celebrity (in the loosest term possible) Coach Trip and Derren Brown: The Experiments. Started watching Life's Too Short, which, while it may have it's critics at the moment, I thought the first episode was funny.

And yes I see there's loads of reality TV but I do like other stuff! Curb Your Enthusiasm, 30 Rock, The US Office, The Simpsons (I could be the only one though), How I Met Your Mother- so also a lot of American shows. I also love classics like I'm Alan Partridge, Black Books, Spaced among others.

The last film I saw at the cinema was The Adventures of Tintin, which was fantastic. The mo-cap was brilliant and I can see why they thought it would work better like this. And I loved Snowy!

The last DVD I bought was Supernatural Season 6. I love Sam and Dean, and this season had some classic episodes which I think I will blog about when I've re-watched them. Just to name check two of my favourites- Live Free or Twihard and The French Mistake.

DINOSAUR! 

My favourite films include Jurassic Park and Ghostbusters.

I love reading and am currently reading One Day and The Hunger Games. I read a lot of books adapted into films.

Looking forward to Fincher's The Girl With a Dragon Tattoo, Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows and The Muppets.

So the blog will be a mix of all this. Oh, and celebrity gossip. I LOVE celebrity gossip. And Busted, I'm going to spearhead their reunion.