The X Factor Blog: Holiday Time at Judges' Houses

It’s Judges’ Houses this week, where Dermot gets to go on 4 holidays in quick succession. Louis is in Las Vegas with Sharon Osbourne and her unmovable face, Nicole and Ne-Yo are in Dubai, Tulisa’s vile yellow hair and Tinie Tempah are in St. Lucia and Gary is at a lovely mansion in the heart of England with *SURPRISE* Cheryl Cole! So expect some waterworks and bad decisions as the judges whittle it down to the final 12.

CC flies in.

There were some easy decisions; Ella was always going through from the first audition. There were some obvious decisions; who was Brad in Gary’s category? Of course your lack of airtime means you aren’t making the live shows. There was a female version of The Peter Andre Principle in Jade Ellis. She’s got a kid don’t you know. She wants her kid to have nice things. And yes, she could just get a “normal” job but isn’t it better she goes on a TV talent show where she’s away from her kid for a few months? Then if she does win it she’ll be away from home even more! The money is much better than her being at home? Right? RIGHT? 

There seems to be an over abundance of crying this year too. And deary me, all the girls looked horrendous with their make-up running down their face. While we are on the subject of crying, how can we not mention Rylan in the most unconvincing performance in X Factor history? He is nowhere near as entertaining as Jedward, Wagner or even Chico. But he is about as annoying as Katie Waissel and Kitty Brucknell. They could at least hold a note though, whereas Rylan is just terrible. And why was he dressed as a Jedi? There was no way he wasn’t going through though, the X Factor needs an act like him; someone to divide opinion.

Another contestant I was a bit unsure about is Lucy Spraggan. While you can’t deny her first audition was extremely popular, the comparisons with Victoria Wood are obvious, but does she belong in this competition? She only had that one good audition, all her others have been quite average and she how will she cope singing Disco, Motown or Big Band? Let’s be honest, not all her songs are going to be as fun as her first. The other song she has sung was really forgettable; while they mean something to her, they aren’t actually very good. Tulisa made the biggest Gamu-shaped mistake this year; Amy should have gone through at the expense of Lucy who belongs on Britain’s Got Talent.

Lucy and that fucking guitar...

A few random irritations. What is Tulisa talking about when she’s on about her “muffins”? The guy who left MK1 for 33% must be happy, good luck trying to collect on that. I can’t stand the “it’s not good news… IT’S GREAT NEWS” line. It’s so annoying and lame. Stop it. And the unsurprising surprise twist involves the public picking up the phone for their favourite wildcard. Surely it must be Amy. Won’t it?

Cheryl Cole makes her “comeback” this week with best bud Gary. I’m convinced she wants her spot back on the panel and this is her little way of seeing if the public would take her back. She’ll be back as full time judge next year, and we’ll have Gamu auditioning too. Hey producers! You can have that story line if you want. I want 33% though please.

Final thought. We’ve got the final 12 but where’s my wind tunnel and classy make-overs that we always get? The Celebrity Squares format was not working for me.

Also, the contestants have sang Emile Sandi’s Read All About It now. You’ve used that song choice up, that’s it, once only, no more. LET’S NEVER HEAR OF IT AGAIN (Wishful thinking).

The Voice- Semi Final

We are at the business end of the competition here people, the contestants get cut in half (not literally) and we find out who will be in the final of The Voice. We also have Cheryl (THERE'S NO COLE) doing a 10ft jump off the stage and Kylie singing a song too. And hopefully somebody remembers to talk to Reggie. 

DON'T DO IT!!! Ah, she did.

This week I've decided to reduce The Voice Semi Final to bullet points of my observations of the show. 

• There were still 8 singers left at the beginning of the semi final; that's why the shows feel so long, it looks like there is no end in sight.
• So it was the audience who decided which act would leave; surely next week they won't record the results show? What if someone "does a Jessie" and gives out the result?
• Gawd damn family VTs, yawn.
• Honesty was the theme of this week's show. EXAMPLE, "I'm always honest." Said Jessie J. "I'm just being real." Commented will.i.am. 
• Jessie said "We can't say 'that's amazing'" (when it's not). THAT'S ALL YOU'VE BEEN SAYING!
• I think they actually forgot about Reggie and The V Room half way through this show.
• I had a "Dope" count but it was blasted away when will.i.am went all machine gun and said dope about 100 times over Leanne.  
• Jessie said "Bo... Selecta." Has it really taken up until the semi finals for someone to say that? 
• Just in case you didn't know Tyler was friends with Amy Winehouse. I'm not sure it's been mentioned. 
• I love Cheryl's new song, I think it's great. And I love the leap she did. Her outfit? Not so much. 
• People were moaning that she didn't sing live but she did just with a backing track. Doesn't everyone do that anyway? Especially with an energetic dance routine like hers.
• I hate her crappy salute.
• Cheryl's words of advice? "Just live your dream." Cheers for that. 
• I love will.i.am's moon walk with the Olympic torch. 

So on to the results show, and there were some massive surprises. This is what The Voice has needed. Unsurprisingly though, Bo beat Max in Team Danny and Vince won over Becky for Team Jessie. But how did Tyler get more votes than Jaz for Team will, and the biggest shock of the night was in Team Tom. Somehow Leanne won over the hot favourite Ruth. I don't think I even knew Leanne's name until last night. I imagine everyone thought she was safe, it'll be interesting to see how close the votes were between those two. Even Tom looked surprised when the results were announced. 

The Final beckons next week, with only four "artists" left they'll have a lot of time to fill. So expect lots more pointless VTs that I will fast forward through when I inevitably watch it on playback. 

Who's going to triumph? Bo for the win. Selecta. 

The Voice Vs Britain's Got Talent

What a week for reality TV. We've got the return of The Apprentice (I'll come back to that another time) and one hell of a Saturday night. It's the return of Britain's Got Talent and new show on the block The Voice. Titans will clash!




Where to start? How about the judges, as let's be honest, they are the main reason we watch these shows. Simon Cowell is back on the panel with the juggernaut that is Britain's Got Talent. And, thank goodness he is back. As much as I love Michael McIntyre (the only judge I did like last year) the show seemed to get even worse when Cowell joined in at the live stages. He didn't know what the hell was going on, so he couldn't really say if they got better or worse, only that he probably wouldn't have put them through. On the other side we have Tom Jones (he's top judge right?) who has been quite vocal about the obvious rivalry between the two shows. He's been quoted as saying "I have problems when people who have never got up on a stage to sing judge those who do. Who are they to say? Simon Cowell is a record man, not a singer." He reckons The Voice has the edge as all 4 judges are singers. Interesting comment but BGT isn't all about singers. I'll get to the talent later. The Voice seems to be competing, and arguing, with the X Factor. Someone should tell them it's not on yet.

On the rest the BGT panel we've got stalwart Amanda Holden who brings literally nothing to the panel. Sure she's a nice women, and okay she's on the stage but the only thing I remember her for is marrying Les Dennis and then having an affair with Neil Morrissey on the set of Happy Birthday Shakespeare, a lame BBC drama. She's the Louis Walsh of BGT. She's like a barnacle but with pretty dresses and nice hair.

Then we've got the 2 new recruits David Walliams and Alesha Dixon. Alesha obviously isn't going the way of Kelly Brook (I think she might have been alright if you gave her some time) and hopefully she'll bring some Tulisa style "attitude" from the X Factor. As long as it's but not the Alexandra Burke kind of attitude OK DOT COM. And David Walliams has made me laugh on the trailer that was released last week, alright it was because he was doing a funny run but I still laughed. He's a direct swap from Michael McIntrye, so here's hoping he is funny.





On The Voice we've also got Jessie J, will.i.am and Danny O'Donoghue. Well. Jessie J is so hot right know, she makes sense but it's not like she has LOADS of experience. But then it didn't do Cheryl Cole no harm. I liked her on Judges' Houses on X Factor though so I think she will hold her own. I can't stand Black Eyed Peas and will.i.am's music but someone does, they can't be that popular without a whole lot of fans. And he is quite a well respected producer, so again, fair enough. Now who the hell is Danny O'Donoghue? I went from thinking it was Daniel O'Donnell to Danny from McFly, but finally found out he was from The Script. Now, excuse my lack of music knowledge but I have no idea who The Script are, they ring a slight bell but I couldn't name any of their songs. Who knows what he will be like?

Personally I think BGT has reached it's peak and that was a few years ago with the Diversity Vs Susan Boyle final. That was great TV. Diversity's routine was beyond amazing, I even remember voting for them. And let's not forget Susan Boyle's audition, something they've not been able to pull off since. Reality TV at it's best. There is no other show in the world that would have put them together. The Voice is just another singing show with a tweak to the format. It all depends on the calibre of contestants really.

I can't remember who won last year on BGT, so they really need something special this year. Same goes for The Voice. Without good contestants it's just 4 judges sitting at a table moaning at people.

The so-called ratings battle will probably be won by BGT but can they keep the viewers? We'll know soon enough. Yeah television!

Jordan, Cheryl and Some Football (American)

It's been an interesting week in Celebville. We've had Cheryl denying she emailed Harvey, Katie Price biting back at Peter Andre and Madonna being furious with MIA over an obscene gesture. The girls are sure as hell fighting back this week.

Are these real or waxworks? I can't tell...

While I can never say I am a fan of Katie Price I have to admit she comes in for some serious flack concerning her marriage. While Peter Andre is bathed in some kind of untouchable light, Miss Price gets many a harsh headlines (and if rumors are to be believed many coming from her ex husband and agent, ALLEGEDLY). She's been called all things from a bad mother to a loose women but it seems she has had enough this week. She released a statement condemning Peter Andre's story in Heat magazine. He painted her as some kind of obsessed, bitter women who would never be over him (a rather high opinion of yourself isn't it? Backhanded of course) and who was desperate to get back with him.
Why he did this interview doesn't really make sense, he seems to be "setting the record straight" an awful lot lately. So I have to say good on her for responding and not letting his "I can't tell you why we broke up" (don't worry, it'll be in OK! magazine soon) bollocks carry on. It surprises me how many people think Andre is blameless in HIS marriage breakdown. Yeah, I'm sure he didn't want to fame or the money. HE'S JUST A NORMAL GUY WHO LOVES HIS KIDS!! As Mugatu says "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" I hope his next interview is something as bland as "Father Loves His Kids." Don't think we've heard that recently.
I really hope this might be the moment when everyone goes, "Actually, you're both as bad as each other" and people will stop watching the next bloody chapter. Price needs to let it lie now, maybe write some more books? Oh, no she doesn't have time to write books. (Author of 4 autobiographies, 7 novels and a host of children books). I don't know why they spilt up, but I'm pretty sure literally no one cares anymore.
Another weird story doing the rounds was Cheryl Cole emailing Harvey So Solid. Apparently they were dating after Cheryl spilt with another love rat Ashley. Now magazine have claimed to have a media lawyer confirm the relationship by saying they are genuine emails. How this confirms that they were together I have no idea. Cheryl seems pretty sure this isn’t true and as Nicola Roberts tweeted maybe someone’s having Harvey on. With both seeming so sure they are right, it’ll be curious to see what Cheryl does next. I think he might have been had; maybe Cheryl’s taste in men seems a bit rubbish sometimes but I cant believe she would go out with him. It’s just like the time Gareth Gates denied sleeping with Jordan.
The big story of the week has been the Superbowl. I have literally NO IDEA who played, what they won and I barley care it’s American football. But most people seem interested in the adverts and the halftime show. We had the amazing Avengers trailer (Assemble!), the rubbish Ferris Bueller advert (no more days off now) and Madonna’s performance of her new single. A source says she furious with MIA who swore and flipped the middle finger. I highly doubt this; IF she is angry it’s probably because most post-performance stories are about MIA. I remember her swearing at Live 8 so this “OMG she swore” doesn’t wash with me.
I’m sure there will be more Price v Andre stories next week, and I don’t think the Cheryl emails will die down until we see them. Girl Power indeed.