An Intervention, An American Psycho and Golden Case- only in The Celebrity Apprentice: USA

Ah, The Apprentice. Not just any Apprentice, the American Celebrity version. A show made up of people us Brits have no idea about. We've got a woman poker play (they must be stars in America) and a woman golf player (okay, why not?). We've got a Kardashian, a cowboy, some more sports players, a Playboy bunny and my personal favourite a model from the American version of Deal or No Deal. What the hell??

So these aren't really household names (at least over here) but there are a couple you would know. Joan Rivers, Tom Green and Dennis Rodman are probably the most recognisable faces that Donald Trump has got. Although I imagine Joan Rivers' new face isn't that recognisable from her old one; that cost her about $150,000.

The Kardashian is Khloe, she is the one married to a NBA player who she only knew a month. She also gets a lot of stick for the way she looks (there are loads of rumours around that she has a different dad to Kim and Kourtney), but on the few episodes I've seen of Keeping Up With The Kardashians she seems more human than the life-selling juggernaut that is Kim.

We also have an Olympic ice skater Scott Hamiltion. He introduces himself by saying "I want to cure cancer in my life time." Big ambition for an ice skater, but hey, it's all for a good cause.

There's also some stand up comedian that I've never heard of, maybe you know him? But if you're going to say "I'm the biggest stand up comic in history ever" probably best to start with your name; it's Andrew Dice Clay.

We've also got Sandra Bullock's ex Jesse James. He is introduced to us as a "Working Class Hero". Barely. Also there is Joan Rivers daughter who must have the same surgeon.

The Playboy bunny looks like every other Playboy bunny; long blonde hair, (probably) blue eyed, killer bikini body. She seems quite nice, unlike some of the bitchy bunnys we get on our reality TV shows- we defiantly get the budget versions.

My favourite however, is the Deal Or No Deal model. I've never seen the American version of our beloved (too strong a word?) Noel Edmunds show so don't really know why they need models. I imagine it's like 30 Rock's amazing Golden Case created by Kenneth Parcell.

There have been some interesting moments so far. We've had an intervention for Dennis Rodman when the whole boardroom turned and told him he has a drinking problem. Bloody hell, it's only a light entertainment programme, not a hard hitting documentary.

Then we have the firing of Khloe Kardashian last week (sorry spoiler) which I found a bit weird. Donald Trump fired her because the week before she wasn't there for part of the task. It turns out she was back in LA in front of a judge who wasn't happy about her being in New York because she has a DUI (Drinking Under the Influence). Apparently Donald Trump knew nothing about this but he wasn't very happy. He says he knows people who have lost loved ones to drink drivers so understandably, he just can't justify her being in the competition. I can't argue with that, but are you seriously telling me no one told him she was still on probation for this? I find that hard to believe. Seems like it was a bit of a set up, a horrible one for sure.

My absolute favourite thing about The Apprentice USA is Donald Trump's son, Donald Jr. He is original Patrick Bateman. I sure he's never killed any strippers but let's be honest, it wouldn't be surprising. I assume he modelled his look on the American Psycho.

The BBC are showing this jem at midnight 3 times a week so this series will be over quick. Catch the freak show while you can.

Smiley Smiley Catchy Monkey: what might just happen at the Oscars 2012

So the Academy Awards are tonight and it looks all but certain that The Artist will sweep the board. But, how about some surprises? It's been so long since there has been a big shock. The last one I remember is probably Crash's win over Brokeback Mountain back in 2005. People say Avatar should have won but really, it shouldn't. It's not actually very good, but I know I'm in the minority in thinking it was very average in all respects.

Right, let's look at the Best Motion Picture of the Year. And let's be honest: none are outstanding. We got Scorsese, Spielberg and Allen who have all made films that are a million times better. The art house darling in The Tree of Life. The beyond sugary sap, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (who trailer has me nearly in tears, but that might be more to do with the terrible U2 song attached to it) and also The Help (one that just looks like it's trying to hard to please everyone). We've got Moneyball and The Descendants, two films which the buzz has died down considerably. Which of course, only leaves The Artist. So kind of by default that should win. Don't get me wrong, it is a good film and a lovely nod towards silent cinema but I can't help feeling the Academy want to say "aren't we, and haven't we ALWAYS been fantastic?" It'll win as it's won so much in this award season, and it's definitely the best of the lot in my opinion.

The Best Director; if The Artist wins then it's Michel Hazanavicius' statue. And again; none of the others deserve it more than him so I don't mind him winning.

Best Supporting Actor seems wrapped up by Christopher Plummer in Beginners while Supporting Actress looks set to go to one of the ladies from The Help, my money is on Octavia Spencer. I can't see any surprises there.

Best Original Screenplay will be won by Michel Hazanavicius for The Artist and Best Adapted Screenplay hopefully goes to Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (Bridet O'Connor and Peter Staughan).

Other technical categories will probably be hovered up by Hugo and War Horse, while Harry Potter fans hoping they can do a (ever so slight) LOTR Return Of The King might as well go bed early. Those films aren't really any good and definitely not good enough for Oscar. Just face it, enjoy them for what they are but they are no master pieces (I give it 5 years before their inevitable "reimagining").

But while we're on Harry Potter let's talk Best Achievement in Visual Effects. Because any of the nominated films are better than HP Part 2. I'd HOPE for Rise of the Planet of the Apes. I'd even take Real Steel. Transformers: Dark of the Moon wouldn't surprise me, neither would Hugo. But I have this horrible feeling it will be HP Part 2. It shouldn't be.

I've not seen any of the documentaries or the short films animated of live. Sorry guys. Or the Foreign Language films, so they will all be a surprise to me.

Then we've also got Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Song to give it it's full title. Why are there only 2? What the hell is the point in that?? If you are trying to get rid of it, just get rid of it. And you would probably best get rid of it if Bret "Flight of the Conchords" McKenzie gets beaten by bloody Rio. We may as well all just shut up shop if that happens.

Best Animated Film is slightly open as there's no Pixar film to take it (Cars 2 was so bad. I hate Mater more than anything I've seen in cinema this year). I'm guessing Kung Fu Panda 2 (which looked amazing, and was much better than I thought it would be) or maybe Rango.

That leaves Best Actress and Best Actor. They might as well hand the award to Meryl Streep as she is going in, just to save her the wait. As for Actor, well it looks like Jean Dujardin will win it. And that's okay; his performance was amazing, and the more I think about it the more I think he deserves it. BUT as much as I like him, (he gave a good speech at the BAFTAs) I would love Gary Oldman to win for George Smiley in Tinker Tailor Solider Spy. His performance was very understated, and I still don't believe BAFTA didn't give him the award. For him to win the Oscar would be amazing. And I bet he is wearing the sharpest suit you'll ever see.

But he won't. The Artist will win very big, the smaller awards will be shared out and you'll be wondering (yet again) why you bothered to stay up all night and watch (or click the refresh button on) the least surprising Oscars ever.

EVER.

He's my Pointless friend...

I love quizzes. TV quizzes, pub quizzes, quiz machines, newspaper quizzes. QUIZ! Maybe that makes me an 85 year old women who waits for Countdown everyday but I don’t care. It’s like learning (sort of). I like to think I’ve got a good general knowledge. But where I think I excel is in my movie knowledge. And my favourite quiz show on TV at the moment is Pointless. Anyone who doesn’t know this show; you are missing a treat. Hosted by Alexander Armstrong and assisted by his Pointless friend Richard Osman the aim of the game is to try and get an answer no one else can think of. It used to languish on BBC 2 but the powers that be knew they had something special and moved it to BBC 1. Now in HD!

It’s amazingly entraining. Alexander and Richard are a great duo, they have an array of contestations and a broad range of questions. So, Pointless isn’t exclusively film questions but I love it when they turn up to test my knowledge. Me and my other half are always bitterly disappointed when we don't get a Pointless film answer. I always think maybe we should apply but we’d be gutted if we didn’t get any movie questions. We would be rubbish at Geography (A level be damned!). The only answers I could give are ones I remember from other Pointless shows- Congo, Central Republic of Africa, St Vincent and the Grenadines.

My favourite answer was when, from a list, you had to guess what book a character was from. The book title would also be a description of the character as an extra clue. Bilbo Baggins was the character, so what did the contestant say? “Bilbo Baggins played Frodo in Lord of the Rings.” What an answer. The subjects of trousers was also a highlight.

Also, why do people always want to see musicals are a subject? They are always rubbish at them.
The last round is when they have to choose a topic and find just one Pointless answer with 3 tries. I wish they would put all the Pointless answers online, just to test my knowledge.

The other day the final round subject was Film. How we laughed, until the question came up. Name the actors in The Great Escape; we literally had no idea, apart from the obvious. We had failed at Pointless on a film question. It’s unusual for us both to know nothing on a film. We were gutted. It’s now on our Lovefilm list.

We still love Pointless, and Pointless Celebrities is the greatest title of a TV show ever. Well done for not calling it Celebrity Pointless.

And don’t forget, by country we mean a sovereign state as recognised by the UN.

Chris Brown... You can do better, ladies.

A story that just won’t die down at the minute is the ongoing relationship of Chris Brown and Rhianna. There has been lots of gossip about these two being in contact with each other. It all started because Chris Brown won a Grammy for his album F.A.M.E the other week. You’ve only got to look on the comments section of website like Digital Spy that everyone has an opinion on him, mostly polar opposite opinions too. There are people who say he’s served his time and that people who say bad things about him should just get over it. Then there are others who think he’s gotten off too lightly, that the music scene have just forgotten it. I don’t think we should forget that it happened on the night of the Grammys in 2009, now he’s getting an award at the show. Also he’s still on probation, so he’s not served his time at all.

If it's holding a dog... Surely he CAN'T be all bad?? 

Personally (yes, I know the internet really needs another opinion on this) I can’t stand the man. What people are upset at is the fact he has never shown any remorse publicly for his actions. The police report is floating around on the internet and it makes for very scary reading. He seems like a young man who has never been told ‘no’ and nobody has advised him to say sorry. Don’t tell me a few hours community service turns you into a better man. The scenes at Good Morning America, where he broke a window when asked about Rhianna; shows him for what he is. I can’t quiet believe people are defending this type of behavior.

The stuff that makes me really sad are the alarming number of people who say Rhianna deserved it. What a sicking thought. There are also lots of people on Twitter that say, along the lines of, “I’d let Chris Brown beat me LOLZ”. What the hell is wrong with young women today? Do they not have ANY STANDARDS?? I can guarantee you are BETTER than a so-called man who beats up women. PLEASE, NEVER think you are not.

Another thing that shows Chris Brown up is his Twitter feed. He is always rubbing people up the wrong way. He’s very quick to tweet against people who say they don’t like him; his management I imagine are equally quick deleting it.

Somebody is buying his albums though, maybe the record company should have put their foot down a bit harder, a lot earlier. When Kate Moss was exposed as a drug taker, she lost a lot of deals. Next to nothing happened to Chris Brown, oh a few radio stations stopped playing his songs (for a bit) but it was like it never happened. So, drugs NO but woman beating, okay? He seems to think it was this whole other time and we should not bring it up EVER again. It was 3 years ago, hardly ancient history.
I hope Rhianna knows what she’s doing. It’s a dangerous message to give out; it’s alright girls, maybe he’ll only beat you once. Rhianna could have nearly any man in the world. Rhianna, don’t you think you’re better than Chris Brown?? Come on, surely you know you are. He should just keep his head down, do some charity work, apologise and just get used to the fact that this is what many people will remember him for. But he won’t of course. Nobody will make him, not while he’s making millions for the suits at Sony. I truly hate society sometimes.

Sweet Valley... Worth Revisiting?

Even if you don’t read much now, I’m sure when you were younger there were book series’ that you loved. Goosebumps, The Babysitters Club, Point Horror are the ones that I remember most. I collected them all but my big love was for the Wakefield twins of Sweet Valley High.

I’ve recently rediscovered my love for reading. When I was younger, I loved going into WH Smith’s and finding the newest Sweet Valley Twins books. Then when I got a bit older I nabbed my sister’s Sweet Valley High collection. They were a little more risque; a lot more talk about boys and dating. One book always stuck in my head, I think it was the first one I read. It was called Too Good To Be True and was about some family friend of the Wakefields accusing their teacher of some sort of assault. I don’t think I really understood what what going on, but I knew I wanted to read some more.


For anyone who wasn’t a 12 year old girl, Sweet Valley High was about Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield. Blonde haired and blue eyed they were all American identical twins. They were completely the same except in their personalities; Elizabeth is the bookish, goody goody, always wanting to help out others and sees the best in people. Then there’s Jessica, the bad girl. Selfish, arrogant and only interested in being popular, she is the polar opposite of Elizabeth.


To be honest; they are both shit.


I’ve only just learnt this however thanks to the new book Sweet Valley Confidential. The tag line goes “Haven’t you ever wondered what happened when Elizabeth and Jessica grew up?” Well, it’s not been a burning question I have to admit. But feeling nostalgic for things from my childhood, I wanted to read it.


What did I learn from this book? That all the Sweet Valley High books were trash. I mean, for one they were terribly written. They all started the same by going on and on about how gorgeous the twins were. And then there is the problem with the actual twins. Elizabeth was so wet; she let Jessica get away with everything. Elizabeth was pathetic. At least Jessica was fun, maybe a bit sluty but at last she had something about her. She was so selfish though, she is unable to be likable. There were loads of friends too, most were useless. The only one I really remember was Lila, Jessica’s friend, who was (surprise surprise) a bitch. The thing in Sweet Valley as well, if you’re a bad person you’d get ill and die (you’d be surprised how many times that happened).


So, back to the book. Basically (SPOILERS!) Jessica steals Elizabeth's boyfriend, dull-as-dishwater Todd (the one she always hated. Well, apparently she’s loved him for years, and he loves her). But it’s okay! Because it’s LOVE! After about 200 pages of Lizzie bitching and Jess whining Liz just forgives her. I don’t really know why. Because they’re twins maybe? We don’t know. It’s obvious from page one that LIz will forgive Jess (just like she always does), Jess and Todd will get married (because they really don’t care what they did to Elizabeth) and Liz will get together with her ‘best friend’ Bruce who, conveniently, has been in love with her for 10 years.


I used to love these books but Sweet Valley Confidentiality is such crap. Don’t get me wrong I love a good angst ridden story but this is lame. Somehow Liz ends up feeling sorry for Jess and ends up as maid of honor for her wedding. Don’t give me this “oh they’re twins with a special connection, YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND.” Love conquers all? IT’S YOUR SISTER’S BOYFRIEND. Jess is soulless. I hate Elizabeth for being so feeble and I hate Jess for being a cow. I never read any of the Sweet Valley University (they had murders, affairs and fights apparently; very busy) but after reading this one I’m pretty sure I missed out on nothing. I would have been up for a new Sweet Valley High movie but honestly after this I don’t think you can make the twins likable.

The saddest thing about the book is that it says that whatever you were like in high school is the person you will be forever. People don’t change. Jess will always be selfish as long as she can justify it and Elizabeth will always be a pushover when it comes to her twin. They deserve any shit that happens to them. The TV show was pretty rubbish too, I should just try to remember the twins from the cool book series I read when I was a tween.

Englishman (Sherlock) in New York

So it was announced yesterday that Jonny Lee Miller would star in the much talked about CBS pilot Elementary. We’ve already had Sue Vertue, producer of BBC’s Sherlock (and wife of Stephen Moffat) say that she is “extremely worried” about another modern take on the famous detective. She’s got a point, it had been a little while since there have been any Sherlock adaptations then 2 come along at once in the shape of Robert Downey Jr.’s Hollywood vehicle then the slick and ultra modern BBC version with Benedict Cumberbatch.

Holmes and Watson the BBC version. 

In some bizarre “circle of showbiz” (as I’m going to call it) Jonny Lee Miller starred along side Benedict Cumberbatch in the National Theatre’s production of Frankenstein, where each night they played alternate roles of Victor and the monster. Again, Sue Vertue has been quoted as saying that Jonny Lee Miller is a “very fine actor” but says “Let’s hope their pilot script has stayed further away from our Sherlock than their casting choice.” I wonder what Benedict thinks of it all.

It seems a bit unfair to lambast a show before anyone has even seen a pilot and I know I will at least watch that. The thing about the BBC version is that it seems such an obvious choice, setting it in modern day London and one I can’t believe hasn’t been done before. He is quintessentially British though so having him as an American (I assume) will be odd. But if you are going to have the world’s most famous detective star in another show, you could be in worst cities than New York. The thing the BBC version has going for it is the lack of fog and horse drawn carriages plus the amazing casting of Benedict and Martin Freeman as Watson. No word on the casting of Watson yet but that will be just as important as Sherlock.

I had reservations about the BBC version. I thought they were just jumping on the band wagon of Guy Ritchie’s film but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I also thought the score was VERY similar (although I’ll happily admit I prefer the BBC version).

Holmes and Watson the Hollywood version. 

There is a place in the world for both RDJ and Benedict’s Sherlocks. RDJ is fantastic as an eccentric Sherlock, a lot more likable and maybe slightly easier to get on with but he still likes to show off. Benedict’s Sherlock is a lot harder to like first off. He takes his time to soften; very much a loner he doesn’t realise it automatically that he actually appreciates having Watson around. But that’s just scratching the surface of each actors’ performance.

They are two quiet different takes on the same character but they complement each other really well. I just don’t know if there’s room for a third Sherlock Holmes in as many years.

Well, there was that The Asylum version...

Prince Charming, a Couple of Aussies and Silent Cinema : The BAFTAs 2012

Ah the BAFTAs. The biggest night of the year for British cinema, shown on a 2 hour delay on the BBC. Well done everybody.

Apart from that ridiculous oversight, it was a good night. We had The Artist win big, Colin Firth proving that there are real life Prince Charmings out there and Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe being genuinely funny (“Rusty”, “Jacko”).

Stephen Fry was a delight as the host. Personally I was never a fan of Jonathan Ross, he didn’t seem to fit in with the prestige of the BAFTAs where as Stephen Fry just oozes class and is an all round smart guy.

I thought Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy would maybe have won a few more; BAFTA has been known to slightly favour British films over others in recently years. I admit; I thought Gary Oldman would have walked away with the Best Actor BAFTA. Not that I mind Jean Dujardin winning; the more I think about his role in The Artist the more I think it was amazing. He’s a funny guy and I loved that he mentioned Benny Hill.

Smooth operator. 

George Clooney and Brad Pitt were there but I never felt they had a chance of winning. It’s nice to have some actual Hollywood stars there too. Especially when I kept seeing Dermot “Smug” O’Leary and Fearne “How do I keep getting these jobs?” Cotton. They really should not have been sitting with ‘The Talent’. It’s embarrassing for everybody.

Colin Firth proved to everybody what we all assumed he was; a true gent. Running after a lost high heel and then helping the (Iron) lady into said shoe, it was a lovely moment.

Why the BBC cram a handful of awards basically over the end credits, I really don’t know. And I thought they were quite big awards- Animated Film, Film Not In The English Language, Cinematography? No, the BBC don’t think so. Bit of a shame. The Oscars don’t get treated like this.
Maybe next year we can see the BAFTAs live; I really don’t think they need to worry about a group of middle-aged British actors running amok, swearing and causing havoc. They’ve watched Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy; they are probably the most well behaved group of people ever.

One last thing. Gary Oldman? Looking boss. (That’s what the kids say, right?)

Because maybe we should all be a little bit more like Caitlin Moran

I've always been against feminism. I know it's a stupid comment but I was. Me and my friend always used to joke about feminists "ruining it for everyone." We were quite happy to wait around for a (rich) man to take us away from our university hellhole we affectional called Azkaban. So when my bloke bought me Caitlin Moran’s book How To Be A Women part of me thought “Is he talking the mick?” Obviously the other half was quite happy as I had mentioned I wanted it so he must heave listened to something. I picked it up in Waterstone’s, I thought it looked funny and I like her hair and boots.

On closer expectation though I see on the back it was classed as ‘Humour’ (brilliant) and ‘Feminism' (oh dear). The word feminism did put me off slightly, I’ll admit. We all know what we think when someone says feminist; bad hair, crap clothes, men-hating, bra burning, spinsters. So when I got to the chapter ‘I Am A Feminist.” I wanted to read it quickly and move on. She talks about Germaine Greer (who I have to say, kind of annoys me when I see her on television) but the bit that nearly made me give up is when she says stand on a chair and shout “I AM A FEMINIST!” I wasn’t buying it.

However after finishing the chapter, and the book and I have to admit; she makes a really good point. Feminism isn’t about hating men or crap clothes; it’s about equal rights for women. Whether it be for equal pay or the right to vote; if you’re not a feminist then, really, you don’t want any of those things. Feminism means liberation for women. She wants to take back the world feminism and make it into a good thing, not an insult.

She says feminism gets blamed in part on a lot of things but it’s just that things like abortion, binge drinking, eating disorders are things that involve women. Another great point she makes is that bitching is not being anti-feminist; you won't get on with every female in the world. Some probably deserve the bitching. The world will not crumble because someone said something about so and so in the office. I think the one thing though everyone could live by is to BE POLITE. This is the only thing in the world I believe no one has any right not to be. Yes we all have bad days but you really shouldn’t take it out on everyone else. To quote her,

“What is feminism? Simply the belief that women should be as free as men, however nuts, dim, deluded, badly dressed, fat, receding, lazy and smug they might be.
Are you a feminist? Hahaha. Of course you are.”

Feminism isn’t about changing women but changing how the world treats women. It’s about treating us all equally.

It’s kind of amazing when you think about it. Nicola on Celebrity Big Brother said she was a secret feminist. Why is it a secret? As Caitlin points out, feminism will take them; the dumb, bitchy ex-page 3 model. She’s not secretive about being a Page 3 model but being a feminist?? Oh NO! I’m not admitting to THAT! You don’t have to be friends with every female on the planet. But maybe we could work together to make things ever so slightly fairly, no?

Horoscopes, Future Transgression and Other Made Up Stuff

Natalie Cassidy is everywhere at the moment isn't she? Celebrity Big Brother, Loose Women, The Wright Stuff. I'm not really sure what it is she does anymore though to be honest. But if anyone caught her on This Morning today then it seems the only thing she is worried about is a lion the size of a t-rex. Confused? Welcome to the This Morning's Supernatural Week.

Where's your trumpet? (Sorry)

Today, we had future life progression. What is that I hear you ask?

“Future Life Progression is a hypnosis session that aims to unlock the secrets of what your future lives could hold, and any lessons you can learn from who you might become in the future!”

Exclamation mark included! What absolute rubbish.

Rather annoyingly, I've been unable to watch it again. It's not on demand and they seem to have cut it out of the itv Player episode. Maybe even they thought, "Naa this is a bit shit."

I don't know why they have this stuff on the NTA winner of Best Factual Programme 2012. Holly said she is scared of the supernatural and Philip looks like he is trying to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. While they were interviewing the future life progressionist, Philip started talking about when he was transgressed and he seemed to be a little annoyed when the hypnotist told him to put some money in a sofa (goodness knows why, something to do with easing his past guilt…). I remember ITV dragging out this transgression stuff for not one but TWO series’ of a show called Have I Been Here Before? And that was presented by Schofe. It featured such celebrities as Dr Fox who turned out used to be a lute playing carpenter, Denise Welch who was a farm girl living in Devon, Barry from Eastenders as a 14th Century knight and the cheating Major from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire who was a women in a previous life. It was terrible, even by itv daytime standards.

While neither of them said it was total rubbish, they then start talking about Horoscopes. Holly believes in those, something about the moon pulling water and the how we can't live without the Sun (REALLY? THANKS FOR THAT!)

When people say they believe in Horoscopes, I always think; why? I don't mind stating that they are utter bollocks. To prove it I conducted an extremely scientific experiment. I thought I'd check a couple of mine (Aries). Today I was supposed to go and visit someone (nope, stayed in) because I haven't seen my friends in ages (I did, last weekend). Another one said I need to be daring and 'in force' (Star Wars?). Mystic Meg told me Venus settles in my sigh (what?) and I'll act as peacemaker with my healing words. Another said not to put demands on others (I thought it said I should go out and see people?) and be on my best behavior. I also found a chart with percentages of different aspects of my life. I have literally no idea what it means but apparently today I am 92% intuition, 19% money and 39% work. So I'm only going to work at 39%? I'll have 19% less money? What the hell does it mean?? I used to read my Horoscopes all the time, and twist them so they worked. But then I just got bored of them being all the same drivel.

I have just seen one the best psychics on The Only Way Is Essex; she figured out the Chloe WANTS TO GET ENGAGED!! Wow. Who would have thought a TOWIE girl would want to get married? If you are a psychic and a girl is pissing you off, what do you do? Just tell them they won’t be getting engaged this year. Like a dagger to their heart. And oi, Lucy? Some Colins are alright.

If people want to believe in all this I kinda feel sorry for them. It's the same with physics; they just prey on the vulnerable. Psychic Sally can piss right off in my opinion.

Jordan, Cheryl and Some Football (American)

It's been an interesting week in Celebville. We've had Cheryl denying she emailed Harvey, Katie Price biting back at Peter Andre and Madonna being furious with MIA over an obscene gesture. The girls are sure as hell fighting back this week.

Are these real or waxworks? I can't tell...

While I can never say I am a fan of Katie Price I have to admit she comes in for some serious flack concerning her marriage. While Peter Andre is bathed in some kind of untouchable light, Miss Price gets many a harsh headlines (and if rumors are to be believed many coming from her ex husband and agent, ALLEGEDLY). She's been called all things from a bad mother to a loose women but it seems she has had enough this week. She released a statement condemning Peter Andre's story in Heat magazine. He painted her as some kind of obsessed, bitter women who would never be over him (a rather high opinion of yourself isn't it? Backhanded of course) and who was desperate to get back with him.
Why he did this interview doesn't really make sense, he seems to be "setting the record straight" an awful lot lately. So I have to say good on her for responding and not letting his "I can't tell you why we broke up" (don't worry, it'll be in OK! magazine soon) bollocks carry on. It surprises me how many people think Andre is blameless in HIS marriage breakdown. Yeah, I'm sure he didn't want to fame or the money. HE'S JUST A NORMAL GUY WHO LOVES HIS KIDS!! As Mugatu says "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" I hope his next interview is something as bland as "Father Loves His Kids." Don't think we've heard that recently.
I really hope this might be the moment when everyone goes, "Actually, you're both as bad as each other" and people will stop watching the next bloody chapter. Price needs to let it lie now, maybe write some more books? Oh, no she doesn't have time to write books. (Author of 4 autobiographies, 7 novels and a host of children books). I don't know why they spilt up, but I'm pretty sure literally no one cares anymore.
Another weird story doing the rounds was Cheryl Cole emailing Harvey So Solid. Apparently they were dating after Cheryl spilt with another love rat Ashley. Now magazine have claimed to have a media lawyer confirm the relationship by saying they are genuine emails. How this confirms that they were together I have no idea. Cheryl seems pretty sure this isn’t true and as Nicola Roberts tweeted maybe someone’s having Harvey on. With both seeming so sure they are right, it’ll be curious to see what Cheryl does next. I think he might have been had; maybe Cheryl’s taste in men seems a bit rubbish sometimes but I cant believe she would go out with him. It’s just like the time Gareth Gates denied sleeping with Jordan.
The big story of the week has been the Superbowl. I have literally NO IDEA who played, what they won and I barley care it’s American football. But most people seem interested in the adverts and the halftime show. We had the amazing Avengers trailer (Assemble!), the rubbish Ferris Bueller advert (no more days off now) and Madonna’s performance of her new single. A source says she furious with MIA who swore and flipped the middle finger. I highly doubt this; IF she is angry it’s probably because most post-performance stories are about MIA. I remember her swearing at Live 8 so this “OMG she swore” doesn’t wash with me.
I’m sure there will be more Price v Andre stories next week, and I don’t think the Cheryl emails will die down until we see them. Girl Power indeed.